Page 10 of Love & Other Drunken Mistakes
Credit Card Ending in: 5683
Confirmation Number # 201387
Your Marriage Certificate Will Arrive in 5-7 Business Days. We wish you and your new spouse a long, happy marriage!
“Euan?” This time, Alex sounds concerned. And closer.
I turn to see him sitting on the near side of the bed, eyes flicking back and forth between my face and my phone.
“Is everything alright?”
I clear my throat of a roughness that has nothing to do with the hangover. “Do you remember getting married last night?”
Chapter Five: Alex
Last night, I thought Euan was the funniest person I’d ever met, because even though it was one of the worst nights of my life, I couldn’t stop laughing. I don’t think he’s very funny now, but I still force a rough, shaky laugh. “I rememberproposing,acouple of times, to more than just you. But no, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t forget an entirewedding.” Maybe if I emphasize enough words, he’ll finally crack and laugh at his own terrible joke.
But his expression remains serious as he hands me the phone.
I scan the email, hardly registering the words until I get to the last sentence.We wish you and your new spouse a long, happy marriage!I slowly drag my eyes up to the start of the page and read it all. Then again. And a third time, as if the words will rearrange themselves in a more sensible order if I stare at them long enough.
“This is clearly some sort of scam email,” I say, passing the phone back to him.How would a scammer know my name?I bite my lip at the thought. Euan’s name makes sense. Whoever sold the scammers his email probably sold them allthe personal information they had. But to include my name … unless everyone’s theories about their phones listening to their conversations are true, they had to get my name fromsomewhere.
Euan accepts his phone and carefully scrolls through it. The seconds tick by without him commenting further on the email. I shift restlessly on the bed and wonder where my own phone ended up. And my wallet and car keys. And the fucking ring.
A glint catches my eye, and I stiffen as I realize the ring isn’t missing after all. It’s resting on Euan’s left pinky finger, right where I put it last night.Shit, does he think he gets to keep it because I jokingly proposed? Should I say something? God, what if this whole marriage email is a ruse to convince me to let him have the diamond ring so he can pawn it.
Okay, that ridiculous plot would take too much planning for the drunken state we were both in last night. If he wanted to hawk the engagement ring, all he had to do was stuff it somewhere I couldn’t find it, then wait for me to leave. A lot easier than concocting an elaborate scheme.
“The charge is on my credit card.”
It’s been so long since Euan spoke that his deep voice makes me jump. I look up at him, brow furrowed in confusion.
He tilts the screen to show me the faint line of the pending transaction:
VIRTUALVOWS $597.95.
“Shit,” I whisper. “Shit, that’s actually a lot.”
“I’m less concerned about the money than the implications,” he replies dryly.
Right. Shit. Fuck. We’re married.There’s a little flutter in my chest, as if I’mexcitedabout the prospect. Which obviously, I’m not, because Euan’s practically a stranger. Itmust be a nervous flutter. A ‘what are we going to do’ flutter. A ‘fuck fuck fuck’ flutter. Before I start spiraling down the path of naming all the possible flutters, I blurt out, “This can’t be legal.”
“Which part?”
“All of it!” I wave my hand in the air to encompass the whole clusterfuck. “The drunkenness. The online-ness. The-the—”
“Suddenness?” he supplies.
“Exactly! It’s not like we’re in Vegas—you can’t get married on drunken impulse. There are rules and waiting times and licenses and certificates and officiants and—and things!”
“Can’t forget things,” Euan replies with a straight face, though his lips twitch within his beard.
I scowl, but it’s hard to hold the expression when thinking about how ridiculous this situation is. I mean, really, who gets accidentally married outside of a cheesy rom-com? My own lips twitch repeatedly and it takes a few seconds to wrestle them back under control. “All I’m saying is: it’s still probably a scam. A very expensive one, but it can’t possibly belegal.”
Euan considers that possibility for a moment before nodding. “You’re probably right. But it will take more than a quick internet search to determine the legality and how to reverse things.”
A phone rings and I flinch as the sharp sound reignites my headache. I almost forgot about the hangover amidst everything else.
