Page 88 of Bone Deep
Jen clears her throat. We both look up. “Ryan, how are you—” She cuts herself off, and I can feel her gaze burning into me, eyes wide. “Wait. Is that a tear? IstheSpencer Stark crying?”
I blink, startled, and turn back to Ryan. And then I just break. My voice comes out rough. “You really fucking scared me, Ryan.” A sob rips out of me before I can stop it.
Jen gasps, rushing around the bed to hug me, squeezing tight. Ryan squeezes my hand, thumb rubbing my knuckles. “Spencester, I’m so sorry. I’m okay though.”
I swipe at my eyes, trying to collect myself. “I’m fine. I’m fine. Sorry.”
Jen drags a chair close and plops down, arms crossed, face all business. “So, how long have you two been fucking?”
I groan. Ryan’s face splits into a grin so bright it could power this whole damn hospital. “So good. He fucks me so good.”
Jen gasps, and I pinch the bridge of my nose. “That’s not what she asked, Ryan.”
Ryan shrugs, still grinning and loopy. “Iss true, though.”
Jen leans forward, elbows on her knees, waiting. Then Ryan makes a big C with his thumb and finger, slurring, “Sso thick, too.”
Jen’s eyes widen, then she bursts out laughing, shaking her head. I bury my face in my hands.
When I look up, Jen’s staring at me, waiting. I sigh. “Well, since he’s decided to share—” I gesture toward Ryan, “—we’ve been hooking up for about a year now.”
Jen makes a sound of disbelief. “A year? A whole freaking year?”
I roll my shoulders, bracing for it. “Jen—”
She cuts me off, turning to Ryan. “I knew you’d be a big ol’ bottom.”
Ryan waggles his eyebrows, beaming. “The biggest. You should see how I slut out on Spence’s—”
“Enough,” I interrupt, holding up a hand. “Ryan, you’re on pain meds and you just went through some serious trauma. The adrenaline and the drugs are messing with your brain. Coming out, even to one person, is not something to take lightly. I don’t want you to wake up tomorrow and decide it was a mistake. I’m not worth—”
Ryan’s eyes snap to mine, suddenly clear and sharp. “Don’t you dare finish that sentence.”
My mouth hangs open, words gone. Jen leans back, looking ready for whatever comes next.
Ryan’s voice is softer, but steady. “It’s Jen. She can be trusted, and frankly, it will be nice to have someone to talk to.”
His eyes linger on mine, and I can’t help wincing, feeling the edge of something unsaid. Ryan’s voice softens even more. “And even if we are just hooking up, don’t ever think you’re not worth it. You’re a precious valuable as far as I’m concerned. Got it?”
I swallow over the insecurities lodged in my throat and simply reply, “Got it.”
Twenty-Six
It Feels So Good
Ryan
Spence may be right, but I can’t find it in myself to care right now. Maybe it’s the pain meds, but there’s something about going through a traumatic event—it helps you see things with a little more clarity. When I was lying in the Emergency Room surrounded by the few trainers and coaching staff who came with me to the hospital, no one said the words, but I know they were all thinking about my career and the future of the franchise. It just reinforced the feeling that my life isn’t my own. I’m acommodity. To the team. To my father. I’m very rapidly realizing that I don’t want it anymore. I’m done with expectations. Done with appearances. Done with hiding.
I’m just… done.
Fingers rub at my arm, tugging me back to the present. Jen’s voice is gentle. “Hey. Where did you go? Are you getting sleepy?”
I shake my head. “No, sorry. Just thinking.”
I glance at Spence. He’s sitting beside my hospital bed, hunched over, fiddling with the sheets like he’s tying knots only he can see.
Jen leans in, eyes bright with mischief. “So, why do you call him Perfect?”
