Page 52 of Point Proven
Reflection taunting me, I craned to look at the mirror. Exhaustion lined my features, giving away howlittleI had sleptthroughout the course of the past year. Sure, I was resting, but it was fitful, because every part of meknewthere was still too much to do. And when Liam went missing? That weight intensified tenfold, because I’dpromisedhim I would never allow him to experience that hell ever again.
Yet another vow that’d slipped through my fingers, just like all the others.
Nipping at my cheek, I basked in the plume of iron that flooded the back of my throat. As my thumb and forefinger greeted the ring on my left hand, spinning it back and forth against my skin, every doubt I had resurfaced.
If I couldn’t protect Liam, how would I be able to guarantee Oren remained safe? If I couldn’t bear the weight of the stress of my previous position and the decisions that led me to start this organization, how could I love him properly? If I couldn’t uphold my promises, how would I be able to spout off vows to the man who deserved someone far better than someone as fucking pitiful as me?
My tongue danced across my cheek as I shook my head, quickly passing over the scar of my past that had carved its way through my face years ago. Scratching at my thickening stubble, I rapped my knuckles against the granite countertop before exiting the bathroom. Each footfall brought me closer to the bed, but I wasn’t planning on lying down yet, not when my mind wouldn’t shut the fuck up.
I curled my fingers around the pack of cigarettes I’d placed on the nightstand, my increased desire to indulge in the act becoming something I knew Oren saw as problematic. Swallowing, I looked at him, that valiant innocence plastered over his face in a way that had me more than tempted to ask Levander to lock him in a safe house somewhere and not allow him to come on this mission. Sure, he’d fucking loathe me more for it, but I hated myself enough for the two of us.
Ineededhim to be safe because if something happened to him again, I would never fucking forgive myself. I still hadn’t absolved myself of my mistakes on the day he’d nearly died in my arms, only to be resuscitated by someone who wasn’tme. Ihadn’t been good enough to save him, to breathe enough oxygen back into his lungs to bring him back to me, and Icouldn’tsuffer that all over again.
I wouldn’t survive the guilt.
Combing a hand through his hair, I allowed a single tear to fall. “I’m sorry.”
With my desire building to slip into bed and hold him while I cried myself to sleep—a frequent ritual that he had yet to learn of—I forced myself to pull away. Snatching my hoodie from the couch, I slipped one of the keycards from the desk as I tossed the plush material over my head. Once I’d adjusted the fabric, I flipped the lock on the door and pulled it open, sliding the “Do not Disturb” sign over the handle.
Taking one final glance over my shoulder to ensure Oren hadn’t stirred, I stepped out into the hallway, allowing the door to latch behind me. My knuckle swept under my eye as I rid myself of any sign that I’d been crying before I tucked my hands in the hoodie pocket and made my way toward the elevator.
A throat cleared, gaze lifting as I swept over Matt’s disheveled appearance. My brows raised, the words flowing from me with ease. “God, you look like shit.”
He chuckled, but it was void of his usual playfulness. “Yeah… I… Fuck, I can’t do this.” Crossing his arms over his chest, he leaned against the wall. “Why didn’t you tell me, orhell, warn me about Levander?”
“What the fuck are you on?” I asked, walking past him as I continued my route with determination to escape the eighteenth floor of the goddamn hotel and step out for a breath of cold fresh air.
Snatching my wrist, he halted my path. “What the fuck am I on? Oh, I don’t know… Probably the fact I fucked him, unaware of how young he was!”
Agitation built as he stopped me, but the latter portion of his statement caught me off guard, wisping away my shelved anger. “Wait,what?”
Matt pressed his palms against his sockets, rubbing them furiously. “Fuck, I messed up, and I think I made the kid more upset by how I reacted. Hell, he’s fuckingtwentyand I turn thirty in amonth!”
Scoffing, I flicked my tongue against my canine, a laugh following. “Welcome to the club, buddy.”
Groaning, he dramatically shook his head. “God, I slept with akid, but fuck, it was the best sex I’ve ever experienced. And I’m upset withyou, because Iknowyou saw me at that diner making advances, and you didn’t warn me.”
“Why would I? Lev is a catch, I’m engaged to a twenty-two-year-old, andIturn thirty-one this year. I’m theworstperson to ask for advice, Matt.”
Biting his lip, he tipped his head back to rest against the surface behind him. “Yeah, well, I think I fucked it up anyway, per usual.”
I cracked my neck; halted in my attempt to leave, I leaned against the wall as a means of relaxation. “Fucked it up how?”
“I may haveopenlypanicked about his age, and well, because I…” He huffed, ruffling his hair before continuing. “Fuck, I was his first man, Thorne. As in… the first one to officially… You… You get it.”
“Hm. Really? I’m surprised.” Failing to hide my grin, I deflected his fist. “Okay, shit. Damn. Did you talk to him about it? About being his first? And how he felt afterward?”
“I told him I wish I had known, because I wouldn’t have been so… rough?—”
“I fucking knew you were into kinky shit.”
Half-smiling, he shoved my arm playfully. “Oh, suck on a cock, Thorne.” Pausing, he whipped his head to me, finger raised. “I didnotmean that literally. We’re right next to each other, and Idon’twant to hear you and your fiancé through the thin-ass walls.”
“Clearly, you missed our mating call since you were so…busyfucking the Mafia boss.”
As if only realizing the nature of what he’d done, his face blanched. “I really did… fuck a Mafia boss, didn’t I?”
Pursing my lips, I dipped my chin. “Mhm. You sure did.”
