Page 37 of Point Proven
“I fucking know you, and you’rehurting. The only time you yell at me is when you’re in pain or when you want me to chase you. So, I’m not fuckingleaving, and you’re not going either. You like it when someone sees past the cracks, the wall you put up, and I. fucking. do.”
“You mean the wall you’veforcedme to rebuild?” Shoving him off me, I headed for the door. “I’m the fucking outsider looking in here. You don’t give enough shits about me, because you’d rather impress everyone else. You, Liam, and Simon? Close fucking friends. Me? Theex-commander.That’s my fucking title. To allof you. And Matt…” I nipped at my cheek, turning my head away from him to blink back the tears. “…it doesn’t fucking matter anymore. I need to clear my head before I punch another goddamn hole in the wall or down anotherfifth of whiskey, Oren.”
“They all love you just as much as they love me. And Matt… Matt meant it at the party when he said he would be there for you.Weare all here for you?—”
“Yet notoneof you has caught this in the past year? The only reasonyoudid is that I allowed my anger to slip. If I hadn’t, you would’ve had no fucking clue.”
“I knew this whole time! And I didn’t push harder. I’m sorry you weren’t heard in the capacity you needed, butlookat me and tell me you’re not aching inside. Turn around andlookat me!”
Spinning toward him, I glared down my nose. “For whatfuckingreason, Oren?! When you never listen!”
“Because you’re trying not to cry, and it’s okay to let go! You can scream, yell, or stay silent with me, and I will never fucking leave you! And I’m here for you,always foryou. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you when you needed me.”
Chest hitching, I attempted to take a step back. “I amfine,Oren.”
Matching my movement, he followed. “No, you’re not. Baby, it’s… It’s okay. I’ve got you. You don’t have to be?—”
My knees buckled, slamming against the floor as a broken sob tumbled from my lips. Shaking my head, I tried to muffle it as I brought the crook of my arm to my face. But each shuddered breath continued, containing a flood of tears as my walls completely collapsed, all the weight I’d been carrying threatening to suffocate me.
Pulling at my wrist gently, Oren lowered it enough to plant his palms on my cheeks. Brushing his thumbs over the evidence of my sorrows, his fractured exhale followed.
“I’ve got you. Always… I’m so sorry. So sorry.”
I crumbled into his touch, resting my head in his hands as I stifled my next cry. “I-I… I… I’m… sorry…”
“Shhh.” Tucking me against his chest, his fingers threaded through my hair. “You don’t have to apologize for the way youfeel, ever. I love you, and I’m sorry you haven’t felt heard. I focused on my own needs and didn't address the pain you’ve been dealing with. And I’ve made everything about me. You deserve so much, and I’m sorry your needs weren’t met.”
Burying my face into him, I inhaled his citrusy scent. With my head settled where I could listen to his heart, its heavy, rhythmic pattern served as a metronome. The two sensations combined worked to ground me, and I found myself slipping further into his hold as my body slowly began to relax, stuttering whimpers escaping with each exhale.
“I’ve got you,” he whispered. “I’ve got you, forever and always. Keep breathing just like that, okay?”
“What if… What if I can’t… save Liam…? What if I fucking fail…?” My bottom lip quivered as I nuzzled into his neck, seeking his comforting warmth. “Simon… will loathe me… Andfuck…I miss Matt…”
“I know. You’ve got so much on your shoulders, don’t you?” He rubbed soothing circles across my back, slowing with each pass. “I know you miss him…”
A gasped cry filled the brief silence, and I fisted his shirt, pulling him even closer to me. “I’m scared, Oren… I’m so fucking scared…”
“I know you are. You’re safe with me… You… You?—”
“They almost fucking killed you, Oren.Again.Fucking again…” I rasped, flashbacks of that night pouring into the forefront of my mind. “I can’t… Ican’t…”
His swallow was audible, but his caresses never stopped. “I know… and… and I can’t lose you either, Thorne. Ican’t.”
“But you… haven’t even… You haven’t…” My shoulders curled forward with my sob, tremors assaulting my frame. “I’ve… I’ve watched… I’ve seen it almost fucking… happen…”
“You… You did, and I don’t know exactly what it feels like… the pain and fear you must hold on to because of that moment. It’s… It’s frightening, isn’t it?”
My only reply was the bob of my head as I nodded.
“Awfully scary, and no doubt lonely to harbor all that agony inside. And I’m sure it just piles on.”
“Yes… and I’m so… so fucking tired.”
It was true. The mounting stress from everything had worn me thin. It created a whirlwind inside my head, my ability to think straight too tangled with the simplicity of the day-to-day. It was like I was trying to swim but had two bricks shackled to my ankles, encouraging my frantic pace as I struggled to keep myself above water.
“I can’t blame you. You carry the weight of everyone’s burdens without relinquishing any to others. You… You are my fiancé, Thorne, but you are also a man who struggles to take care of himself. Even if you can’t say it directly, I know what goes on inside your mind. Iknowyou.”
Sucking in another breath, I began tracing various shapes on his arm. With the task devouring my attentive focus, I hadn’t realized how far I had drifted when I returned to look at him.
