Page 94 of Point Proven
“Prince, forfuck’ssake,” Thorne grumbled, his timbre audible from the opposite side of the room.“Come here.”
Prince turned around, tail wagging as he released another yelp. Was the dog…defyinghim?
“I will take you back to that damn shelter if you don’t get your ass over here,” Thorne quipped, and while I knew he wasn’t serious, I wasn’t certain if Prince was as confident.
The corgi whined, sulking as he walked over. His tail was less enthusiastic, and I bit my lip to keep from laughing. He was definitely Oren’s dog; that was for sure. Running my hand through my hair, I followed him.
“Sorry, he was riled up because of me,” I said as I entered the main space.
Thorne’s head snapped in my direction, his brows immediately furrowing. “What the fuck areyoudoing here?”
“I came to apologize,” I said, keeping my distance from him. I didn’t want to cross that barrier without his approval, but I moved closer as I sat on the edge of the bed. “A long, overdue apology.”
“Get the fuck out.”
“No,” I breathed, fabric curling beneath my palms. “I’m not leaving. Not when I specifically came to see you, to talk, to listen, to do whatever I can for you.”
“You’ve doneenough,Matthew,” he hissed, pushing himself into a more upright position from where he’d been resting with Mercy. “You’ve left enough goddamn damage in your wake.”
It stung, but it wasn’t a lie. I’d hurt him on multiple occasions with the excuse of my trauma, ofhidingit from him for so long. “I know I have?—”
“Have what? The real question is, whathaven’tyou done? You were the one who decided to keep me out of the decision that led to that fucking mission. You let me walk out of the hospital that day whileknowingwhere I was mentally, regardless of Oren waking up. They’d askedmeto decide when to pull that plug, and there was a level of expectation there, a level of responsibility, and you fucking knew,you knewhow much I was hurting, and you let me fucking leave!
“You didn’t speak to me for over a fucking year after, and then as soon as we fucking mend our friendship, you accept an offer to stay in the States from some fuckingchildyou barely know?After all the opportunities I offered? After every fucking time Ibeggedyou? I’m fucking over it. You say one thing one day and the next it’s another.”
“Because it’smyfault!” I snapped, the weight I carried falling to the floor. Heaving, I twisted the comforter. “It was my fucking fault Oren got hurt. My fault that he almost died. My fault for making the call to keep you out of the plan. My fucking fault that I didn’t go after you when you needed a hand,morethan that. God, Oren took a fucking bullet because of my mistake, and I couldn’t face you after I did that.
“So I took a few months to focus on my mental health, but it continued to decline without structure,withoutyou. But what kind of loser begs for someone they hurt repeatedly, when theyneed them more than the person needs them? I couldn’tlivewith that fact, so I attempted to fix the problem another way.”
Curling my arms around myself, I blinked back the welling tears. “I didn’t take a year to hide. I took a year because I tried to kill myself, Thorne. I was forced into help I didn’t want, and part of me wishes I had succeeded?—”
“W-What…?” His chest rose, but the shudder was evident, a deep-seated guilt building in his honey irises.
“I’m not trying to make an excuse, but?—”
He shook his head, a flash of pain coating his expression. “Why didn’t you… Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I nearly killed your fiancé!” A cry tumbled from my lips, but I tried to push it down. “I-I deserved everything that happened. I know I secluded myself, but I just didn’t want to bring you more pain. I never do, but nothing I do helps. I’m just hurting you over and over andfuckingover. So I keep shoving you away to see if it helps, but then I miss you too much, and I come crawling back like a pathetic bitch. You’re… You’re my best friend, but what kind of friend am I if I keep disappearing after each mistake?”
Thorne nipped at the inside of his cheek, staring at the comforter before he elected to look back up at me again. Bottom lip quivering, a single tear slipped down his cheek. “H-How?”
“How?” I repeated, meeting those honeyed irises.
“How did you…” He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing with intention. “...try?”
Attempting to clear the lump in my throat, it didn’t even budge. “I tried… tried to use my gun, but no matter how long I held it against my temple, I couldn’t… couldn’t pull the trigger.”
“God, Matt.” Thorne dropped his head in his hands, a sob racking his body.
Inhaling, all that followed was a pitiful cry. “But I was a coward even with my death, so I took… took pills. A whole bottle’s worth and locked the door at base.”
A guttural wail left him, Mercy quickly getting up at the sound. Moving toward him, she brushed her nose against his cheek with determination, attempting to get to his face… attempting to check on him.
“And I-I wasn’t… I wasn’t fucking there…” Thorne whimpered, the brokenness in his voice already confirming the guilt I knew he’d carry. “I couldn’t… I-I didn’t… I didn’t… fucking stop you… I wasn’t there to hold you…”
“I didn’t deserve to be held,” I whispered.
He quickly lifted his head, reddened eyes meeting mine as he placed a gentle hand on Mercy’s head to calm her. “Don’t… Don’t you fucking dare. You were there for me… foreveryattempt. I-If you blame yourself, if you sit here and say that you deserved to be alone becauseyoudid it, then that applies to me and every goddamn time I took a blade to my skin. Every fucking time I swallowed mouthfuls of pills and liquor.”
