Page 16 of Point Proven
Arms coming to rest beside mine, his gaze fixated on the backyard. The wind blew through his blonde curls. “It’s what I said… isn’t it?”
My jaw feathered as I shook my head. “It’s fine. Ultimately, it’s dumb. Nothing to fret or apologize over.” Sucking in another drag, I allowed my head to fall as the smoke left my lips. “Shouldn’t you be in there with our guests, considering it’s your cooking they’re devouring?”
“When my fiancé is out here smoking, knowing he only does so when something is on his mind? No. They can wait.”
“I have a lot of things on my mind.”
It wasn’t a lie. Not when I’d knowingly placed an especially heavy weight on Liam’s shoulders. The way he looked at me at the diner ingrained itself into my mind, burrowing all the way to my dreams. It was hesitation, a lack of trust, and far too many questions than even I had answers for—and being ignored at dinner by them all? That solidified everything.
The three of them were close; I was the outlier. Their friendship reigned, and I was their damaged commander—or ex-commander. Whatever.
And it didn’t stop there. My meeting with the Mafia head, Sebastian, my faculty member at the college, was scheduled for a week from now. Everything I said during it would determine whether we walked out with their support. Not only that, but I fucking missed Matt as his new job had taken him overseas.
“Like what?” he probed, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles.
“Most of it isn’t even my story to tell.” Tapping the cigarette on the side of the balcony, I watched the ash fall before I returned it to my lips.
“Then what parts can you tell me?” Oren continued his touches, focusing his attention on me.
“It’s shit I’ve walked into, Oren. So ultimately, the resulting stress is my problem.”
“Yourproblem? Maybe, but how can I determine that if you don’t talk to me? You know I’m here for whatever you need.”
“And worry you? Because that’s all this has ever been.” Gesturing between us, I released a frustrated exhale, and with it, a cloud of smoke. “The entire time we’ve known one another, our relationship has become structured on unease and fear. Hell, you still struggle with panic attacks from your father’s passing. Do you really think I want to add to that?”
“No, I know you don’t, but is that really how you see our relationship? That it’s built on fear, unease, and the inability?—”
“God, Oren, I don’t know!” My palms greeted the railing, a metallic hum rolling through it with the force. “I don’t even fucking know howyoufeel aboutmeanymore!”
He blinked, stumbling back a step. “What? What do you mean?”
Rubbing the back of my neck, I shook my head. “Nothing.”
“No, tell me. What do you mean that you don’t know how I feel about you?”
“All you seem to address me with is disgust, lack of interest, and annoyance.” Biting the inside of my cheek, I turned away from him. “And have no apparent issue with cutting me off in front of guests and ignoring the very questions I prompt. You never used to be that way, Oren, so I apologize if I am questioning shit.”
“Oh, I’m sorry for cutting you off. I… was excited about dessert because I remembered you really liked apples, so I thought you’d enjoy it.”
“See. This is what I mean when I say it’s stupid. I’m upset for no reason, so as I stated before, don’t worry about it. I’ll deal.”
Wrapping his fingers around my wrist, he tugged. “It’s not stupid, and I’m sorry for skipping over your question. I’m also sorry for anything I’ve done to show a lack of interest, disgust, or annoyance. That’s not how I feel about you at all.”
“It’s… Don’t worry about it. I’d prefer not to be referred to in such negative terms. That’s all it’s been for the past month, Oren. And when I gave you a taste of your own medicine, you got angry at me.”
“Iwillworry about it, because I care about you. I apologize for referring to you with any negative remarks. It’s not an excuse, but the stress has gotten to me, too. I want this company to do well to rid myself of my father’s stain. If I do somethinggood, it’ll… it’ll at least help to cleanse the rotten part of my lineage. But no, you’re right. I didn’t enjoy it when you said those things to me, so it’s fair to say I shouldn’t have said what I said either.”
Inhaling deeply, I held onto the last lungful of smoke for far longer than the others before electing to loosen my breath. “Like I said. It’s fine. We both have enough on our plates, so it’ll work itself out eventually.”
“You’re a terrible liar. And no, not if you don’t let me help you, just like you help me.”
“You just said that the stress has gotten to you, too, so clearly I’m not helping with shit.”
“Again, another lie.”
“So you’re calling yourself a liar? Becauseyousaid it.”
“No, the last part. You’ve helped me drastically with my panic attacks, but you know I’m here to help you, too. If I’ve done anything to hurt that trust over the past month, I apologize.”
