15
It was only when Finn strode out of the great hall, pausing for the poleaxes to be lifted for him before disappearing out of sight, that Erica realized she would never see him again.
She felt hollow, an empty vessel full of naught but hopelessness. When Finn left, she stood staring after him for a long beat before her mother brought her thoughts back into the room with a nasty jolt.
“I see that yer distaste for Jamie Buchanan is not solely because he tried to bed ye before the wedding vows were said, Erica.”
It was not a question, but a fact, and Erica did not seek to contradict her mother. There really was nothing left to say. A lifetime of being stabbed at by her drunk husband’s stubby red manhood stretched in front of her like a prison sentence.
“Aye, I ken,” Laird O’Donnell growled. “There’s yer reason for her eagerness to ride off into the great outdoors with yon envoy. Thank goodness for Finn’s cold nature. He would never take advantage of a girl he was sworn to protect.”
There was no doubt in Laird O’Donnell’s mind that Finn would value his honor over having a dalliance. But Lady O’Donnell could not see this.
“Rather, it would have something to do with the fact that a man who looks like that could have his pick o’ women from John O’ Groats all the way down to Cornwall and therefore has nay need to seek a dalliance with our plain daughter.”
Erica raised her voice, keeping her emotions under control so that her parents would not know she was upset by Finn’s leaving. “How now, Mither? When I was sought out for a betrothal with Jamie Buchanan, I was yer bonny lass. Have I changed so much in such a short time?”
Lady O’Donnell scowled. “Keep a civil tongue in yer head, Erica. Ye are well-made enough in yer own fashion, but as far as physical equality goes, Finn is yer superior in every way. I speak the truth when I say that no man who looks likethatwould be interested in a lass who looks likeye. It would be the same as a unicorn wishing to couple himself to a sparrow.”
She was dying to tell her mother how Finn had told her something quite different, but Erica bit her tongue. No one would believe her, and now that he had left the room, Erica found Finn’s fascination with her hard to believe as well. The unicorn had left her all alone, and now she was nothing but a plain brown sparrow.
After her parents kept her in the hall, neither telling her to go to her chambers nor allowing her to seat herself, Erica understood the reason why—they were prohibiting her from running after him! Biting her lips until the blood could no longer circulate there, she dug her fingernails into the palms of her hands and waited.
“It hurts, doesnae it?” Lady O’Donnell asked. “Knowing he is leaving an’ ye will never see him again.”
Her father seemed to want to soften the blow. “Such men are married to the road, Erica. Finn could never make ye happy. He has no clan to claim him an’ no gold or home worth mentioning. I ken this Jamie might not be everything ye wish for in a man, but once ye have a bairn to hold in yer arms an’ a castle to run, ye will feel complete, I promise ye.”
Lady O’Donnell agreed. “Aye. Castles dinnae run themselves, ye ken. And for some strange reason, the auld Laird Buchanan didnae settle down and breed with a lass. There is great opportunity for yer children to become powerful rulers over time. Would that no’ warm the cockles o’ yer heart?”
This intrigued Erica enough to say, “But Mither, Faither, Finn seems entirely content without those obligations in his life. He paid a weaver to make his dark plaid for him, therefore creating his own clan—when he has one—and that seems to me to be an entirely acceptable solution. After all, didnae all clans start off as just one man takin’ that first step on his own?
“As for this complicated notion of running a castle bein’ a taxing business, the steward helps Faither tally all his accounts, the purser makes sure everyone is paid, and the cook prepares the food and sends out for more supplies to the tradesmen when they make more deliveries. Who are paid, in turn, by the purser, who then presents the reckonings to the steward. It does nae leave much for ye to do, does it?”
Erica watched her father open his mouth to reply, but she interrupted.
“And before ye begin witterin’ on about training the soldiers an’ collectin’ rents an’ all, Faither, I ken ye have men to do that for ye as well, so let’s no’ be lyin’ about that too. A good case could be made for ye being just a figurehead.”
This criticism had the desired effect. “Go to yer chambers this instant, Erica!” Laird O’Donnell bellowed. “An’ dinnae come out until ye have learned yerself some manners!”
Erica curtsied, backing herself rapidly out of the hall, and the moment she was free of observation, she ran for the stables.
The groom took one look at her panting and holding her sides after running so hard and pointed to the gates. All Erica could do was watch Finn’s broad shoulders and perfectly muscled back as he rode over the castle drawbridge and out into the yonder Highlands.
She was too proud to shout his name or try to bring him back to her.
* * *
Finn knewthe direction in which he was going like the back of his hand, and so did his horse, which was a good thing because its rider was so distracted he was not paying much attention to the twisting country roads their route took them on. When it was time to rest and hunt for something to eat, Finn pulled the reins to a halt.
“I ken I could rely on ye to find yer way back to the only place we can call home,” he muttered, stroking the horse’s mane and feeding it a handful of oats from his saddlebag. “I need to rest me head on something other than turf for a few days.”
Two days later, his horse brought him to the well-beaten path he recognized. Finn’s thoughts had been in turmoil for the entire journey, and he longed for some answers to the accusations his mind kept hurling at him.
Why did I just up an’ leave the poor lass? I must have made her feel like a crate o’ wares at the market the way I delivered her to the castle an’ then disappeared, taking the money with me. That young lass was worth her weight in gold. Why did I no’ stay?
He tried telling himself that what he had done was for the greater good; Erica would have caught flak from her parents if he had acted the lover toward her, something that he so longed to do. She was unique. He had known that from the start. There was not a conniving or mean-spirited bone in her body, and that sweet nature and purity was what had drawn him to her in the first place. She was wholly unspoiled, and he could not—would not—be the man to spoil her.
But all that meant was that he had left sweet Erica to be spoiled by others.