Page 84 of Bound Enemies
‘There’s something I should tell you,’ I say, keeping my tone neutral. ‘I know you were hoping that I’d find a wife. And, well, I did.’
A shocked silence echoes down the other end of the phone.
‘That’s what I was doing yesterday,’ I go on. ‘I was getting married.’
‘Oh, Santiago,’ she says at last, her voice wavering. ‘I can’t tell you how happy this makes me.’
My heart feels painful, because of course this willnotmake her happy. Nothing I do for her ever does, and she never lets me forget it.
‘Don’t speak too soon,’ I say. ‘You don’t know who I married.’
‘Well, of course I don’t,’ she says irritably. ‘Especially since the last time we spoke, you gave no hint that you were even considering getting married.’
My patience frays, not so much at her, but at myself for drawing this out. The truth will upset her, but the sooner she knows, the sooner she can come to terms with it.
‘It’s Beatrix, Mother,’ I say. ‘And she’s expecting my child.’
Silence echoes down the phone, and I stare straight ahead, at the oak tree in front of me, the sound of the fountain filling the dead quiet.
‘Beatrix,’ my mother repeats, as if the name means nothing to her.
‘Father’s widow.’
Again there’s a silence and I can hear her breathing.
‘Her?’ she asks, shocked now. ‘You marriedher?’
‘She’s pregnant,’ I say, my tone flat. ‘We thought it best for the baby if we got married.’
My mother breathes faster now, working herself up into a state. ‘I can’t believe it,’ she whispers. ‘I can’t believe you marriedher. You must know what that would do to me, Santiago! You must know!’
Every muscle in my body tenses, the sound of her hurt like a knife in my chest.
All you ever do is hurt her. You can’t help it.
I ignore the whisper in my head, harden my heart to the pain. I can do nothing for her now, just as I could do nothing for her then, only give her a truth she doesn’t want to hear. A reality that must be faced whether she likes it or not.
‘Yes, I do know.’ There’s nothing else I can say and sugarcoating it won’t help. It never does. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘No, you’re not!’ The sound of her betrayal echoes down the phone. ‘Why would you marry that…that…slut? Of all the women you’ve been with, whyher?’
She’s getting angry, and she has a right to be. But I won’t have her calling Beatrix names. ‘Don’t call her that,’ I say warningly. ‘She’s my wife now and she’s carrying your grandchild, and I’m sorry, Mother. I really am. But that’s the reality.’
I wait for a response, but there isn’t one, because she’s ended the call.
Anger coils and knots in my gut, and it takes every ounce of will I have not to hurl the phone to the ground and watch it break into tiny pieces. But I won’t, because that won’t help anything, just as calling her back won’t help anything. She can’t see anything but her own pain, even though that initial betrayal was over twenty years ago now. She’s blinded by it, wedded to her hurt the way my father was wedded to his anger, and nothing will change her mind. Especially not me.
A warm hand suddenly settles in the middle of my back, and I turn around to find Beatrix standing there. Her golden hair is loose, and she’s wearing the white shirt I wore to our wedding, and nothing else. Her blue eyes are luminous as they stare up into mine, though there’s a slight crease between her brows.
‘What was all that about?’ she asks, searching my face. ‘Are you okay?’
For a moment I can’t speak. She’s looking at me as if she’s worried about me, and her first question is about whether I’m okay, and I can’t remember the last time someone asked me that. I can’t remember the last time anyone cared about my wellbeing enough to even ask…certainly neither of my parents ever did.
‘Santiago?’ she asks softly when I don’t reply, the crease between her brows deepening.
I should pretend nothing’s wrong, that I’m not furious, that I’m okay. But again, the truth is important and I’m not a hypocrite.
It’ll probably hurt her, though.
