Page 63 of A Diamond Deal
‘It has everything to do with it. Just as you running from me—away from our marriage—had everything to do with yours.’ He dipped a too tight shoulder. ‘I was responsible for my mother. I knew she couldn’t help it. It wasmyjob to protect her. Even from herself.’
‘That was your dad’s job.’
‘He wasn’t there.I was.I watched my mother walk into the sea and I couldn’t save her.’
His mother had abandoned him and so had his father. And she hurt for him. For the responsibility he’d been given when he was just a child to take care of his mum. But—
‘I’m not your mother,’ she whispered. ‘I was never—ever,’ she promised, ‘going to do anything likethat.’
‘I don’t know if my mother planned to do it either. There was no note. But the current.The tide.I wasn’t strong enough to pull her body back to shore. I should have stopped her before she went into the sea. I should have saved her. But I didn’t. I couldn’t because emotion…’ His lips curled into something ugly. ‘I panicked, and she drowned.’
It hit her then. Hit her with the force of a bullet. She’d thought his distance was indifference. It wasn’t. It was a coping mechanism. He kept his emotions inside.Buried deep.He didn’t let them out. Any of them, because he needed to stay in control.
Her nose pinched.
He’d stayed in control when Isaak died because he had to.
It was the only way he could cope.
It wasn’t a lack of feeling.
He felt.Deeply.
Her heart broke for him. For the little boy who believed his mother’s death was his fault, and for the man who still thought the same. For the man who couldn’t grieve openly for his son because…
Did he think it was his fault?
She knew it wasn’t logical, but she’d blamed herself too. Still did, despite the therapy…
‘I’m so sorry, Konstantinos.’
He stared at her. ‘I vowed I would saveyou. It was my job to make sure I did not find you in the sea, held under by green weeds I could not cut you free from… I searched the world to find you… I prayed I was not too late, Poppy.’
He’d stopped his life. He’d stoppedeverythingto find her. A man who did not let himself worry about anything, but he’d worried forher. Hehadsaved her. He’d pulled her out of her deep depression. Provided the tools for her to crawl out.
Who had savedhim?
Her mind reeled. Her emotions were being dragged in too many opposing directions. Her heart wanted it. More words.More stories.Words they should have said, stories they should have told each other long before they’d ended up here. But their self-imposed limits and rules had stifled the truth. They’d only really connected with raw honesty in bed. But without love, their marriage was hollow.
It always had been.
Superficial safety.
They’d never had strong enough foundations to survive Isaak’s death.
‘Whatever happens between us in these upcoming months,’ he said, and she knew it was over. Whatever door he’d opened into himself, he was closing it.
She wanted to prise it back open.
‘Know I am grateful, Poppy,’ he told her. ‘Grateful I found you.’ His shoulders rose. ‘I am grateful that you are…okay.’
He was…grateful?
Her heart ached behind her breastbone.
She’d let him down like everyone else.
‘Now you understand why I didn’t tell you,’ he said. ‘And my reasoning is as valid as yours. You ran because you believed, however brittle your proof, your life was taking the same path as your mother’s. That I was an adulterer like your father. And you believedthatbecause of your childhood. I believed I had to keep you safe from a truth that could hurt you because of mine.’
