Page 83 of The Girl He Loves
He shakes his head. “No… I can’t fuck up their family like that.”
“They’ll get over it. Trust me, Ava needs this now.”
He glances down the hall. “And what about you and the boys? You’re okay with all this? You’re okay with having Ava in our lives? Because if we do this, Mischa, I’ll be all in.”
“I wouldn’t expect anything less from you.”
“I’m not going to tell her I’m her dad, and then ignore her. I plan to be part of her life.”
I smile. “She’s a wonderful girl. I’d love to have her be part of our lives. Finally, a girl to shop with… mani pedis.”
He smiles. “Yes, I can picture the two of you… girl talk… feet up.”
I think of Joel. This is going to be hard on him, but he deserves to know the truth. And I’m sure his love for his daughter won’t be any less — the man has so much love to give.
“I’ll talk to Renee,” he says.
“Good, because I’m not allowed to. If I go anywhere near her or her family, she’s getting a restraining order apparently.”
“What?”
I smile playfully. “True story.”
We both sit in silence for the longest time. I wonder what the boys are up to. I rub the palms of my hands on my leggings, brought back. Joel was all over me just an hour before, and here I am, sitting quietly next to my husband, acting like the perfect dutiful wife. I’m such a phony. Unlike my husband, I’m hopeless when it comes to keeping secrets. “There’s something else…” I say quietly.
He turns to me. His eyes are so tired — he doesn’t want to deal with anything else.
“Joel and I…” I hesitate before forging ahead. “We developed a strong friendship.”
He nods quietly. He knows exactly where I’m going with this.
“We sort of fell for each other…” I really don’t know how to explain our relationship — it’s so complicated.
Brian’s face has turned to stone. “Are you fucking him?”
I shake my head. “No, we’re just friends now. We agreed. We won’t be seeing each other anymore. But we… once… we made out, pretty heavy.”
I don’t tell him everything. I don’t tell him that he made me come less than an hour before.
Unlike me, Brian is very restrained when he’s angry. He doesn’t throw things, he doesn’t yell. He sets his glass of wine on the coffee table. His movements are measured, his face unreadable. He stands and turns to me. “This is Anthony, all over again. I can’t believe you.”
He leaves without another word.
And I sob late into the night.
Part V
Absolution
38
Iwake up, full of aches. I’ve fallen asleep on the sofa, a silk cushion under my head, a cozy throw covering my body. Tristan is sitting in the armchair across the coffee table. His gangly legs are crossed, he’s on his device, still wearing his pajama pants — a typical Saturday morning. He smiles at me. No matter where I find myself in life, his impish grin and freckles always cheer me up.
“I’ve never seen you sleep on the sofa, Mom. What’s up with that?”
Your father hates me.“I just fell asleep here, is all.”
“You have mascara under your eyes. You look like a raccoon.”
