Page 6 of To the Moon
Sure, it did. But hey, I wasn't going to embarrass him or myself any further by dwelling on it.
His scent lingered, even as I stripped down and ran a wet towel over my sweaty skin in the bathing area. It reminded me of that summer, living near Chernobyl. They'd planted sunflowers to try to soak up the radiation, and their delicate scent wafted to us on the wind. I remembered sitting on our host's backyard patio with their herbs and spices growing all around us.
I shivered more from the realization than the cold water. If I could smell the sunflowers in the safe zone, we hadn't been as safe as Ivan had promised. It should have been obvious, since my mom got sick soon afterward. I was only a child, but maybe if I'd spoken up, said something …
I sighed. I'd grown up, but I'd never gotten past the constant guilt. My mom had died, and I'd lived. Not only that, but it had healed me. I'd been a sickly child when we lived in Florida, plagued by asthma and eczema, not to mention every virus and bacterial infection a child could catch. I'd been downright ill until we touched down in Boryspil.
My nurse couldn't explain it. At first, everyone, including my mom, thought I was faking not needing my inhaler, but when they saw my skin clear up after a few days, they sent my nurse away. Dad even took me with him to inspect the radiation zone. I'd donned a little yellow suit with hazmat markers. He and his friends wore similar outfits. For the first time, I felt like I belonged in my dad's world.
But he wasn't my dad. He was Ivan Paska, the ruthless businessman who put money over family. I'd learned that lesson the day my mom was diagnosed with cancer.
I floated back to my cubby and pulled on shorts and a t-shirt over my compression garments. I overheard Gunnar talking with the Italian astronaut. As always, they were talking about me, or around me, as though I wasn't there.
"Yeah, I've always been a huge fan of the company.Ivan built it from the ground up. I can't wait to see what he does in space."
I shook my head. Gunnar didn't like me, that much was clear, but I wouldn't let him end up like all the other casualties in Ivan's path. If he turned into a wolf, same as me, he would become a lab rat tucked away in one of Paskal's pharmaceutical labs in Europe. He would probably never see anyone he cared about again.
He said he had no one to mourn him, but I doubted that. I'd done my own reconnaissance on his former aeronautical department. The trainees there looked up to him. He was smart, efficient, and somewhat of a goof. Several of his coworkers said he made them laugh, which was important to have with such a stressful job.
Well, nothing was more stressful than flying a space shuttle. He could make me laugh any day now …
I sighed. I was persona non-grata, the asshole son who had usurped his father's companies.
If Gunnar only knew. Ivan gave me his failing companies so he could write it off on his taxes and spend the money the government gave him on space exploration. Then, he sent me to space so I wouldn't have time to turn any of those shitty companies around. And somehow it was my fault my cruise line was finally paying its fair share of pollution quotas.
Fine. Gunnar could blame me for that. He knew nothing about me, and he sure as fuck didn't know my dad.
I wanted to keep it that way, but the other presence inside me, the one clawing at my insides since my first trip into space … he wanted Gunnar. Worse, he wanted out.
CHAPTER 4
GUNNAR
I neededto watch my mouth around Sebastian, or I would get myself fired the moment the satellite interference cleared up. I hadn't meant to insult him, or his dead mother of all things. Whether it was the disorientation of being in space, the muzzy head after waking up, or my overall addled state when I was around him, I'd screwed up.
Then, the arrogant, privileged man scared the shit out of me when he'd misjudged the force needed and charged out of his bunk, running right into me. He'd had the audacity to think my flashlight was a boner!
Thankfully, he left before doing permanent damage to my ego. If he'd stayed in my cubicle a moment longer, I would have sported an erection. He smelled like ocean breeze, sun, and sand. I'd never lived by the beach, but it had been my dream once, before my family situation went to shit and I had to focus more on survival than wish fulfillment.
After we returned home, I could fulfill a wish or twowith the raise and bonus money Dr. Bunting had offered. He'd run so many tests on me. I didn't know much medical science, but I was pretty sure I should have been radioactive after my last round of shots. He didn't explain, but I'd had an MRI before, and he'd injected me with the same glowing liquid, except it shone brighter than the MRI stuff.
Maybe it was a new vaccination for space gunk, or something. My arm had stung a little the next day, but I'd felt energized, and my contacts had gotten too blurry, so I'd taken them out … I hadn't needed them since.
All my senses had improved since I'd started working on the shuttle project. I swore I felt the grease from other people's fingertips. I could hear the tinny feedback of the space station's satellite feed. And I knew the Mexican astronaut, Mari, was menstruating by smell alone.
My sense of smell had alerted me to the sabotaged shuttle before the ship's computer had, if only I could have understood the input. The shuttle should have been sitting empty after our final checks on the cruise ship the day before. It should have smelled the same as it did every morning when we started work. Instead, a third scent permeated the chamber before Sebastian and I entered. When we returned home, I would find the culprit and tear him to shreds.
I meant … have a sternly worded conversation. I wasn't the type to tear anyone to shreds. I was small, insignificant, and quiet with most people on our team. If only I could act the same way around Sebastian.
After a few hourstinkering with the shuttle, Sebastian declared it safe to continue on our path to the moon. This time, the only scents in the cabin were ours. We'd both scrubbed clean before suiting up, but Sebastian's scent overwhelmed me in the tight cockpit.
I couldn't wait to conduct the experiments in the larger compartment behind our seats. Not that there was much hope of getting away from Sebastian's scent with the recirculated air, but some distance, even a few feet, would help. Right now, I wanted to rip his clothes off and fuck myself on his cock while he was strapped into his pilot's chair.
I bit the inside of my cheek for some clarity, a trick I'd learned during my first stay in foster care. The pain helped me focus on something other than the need to claim Sebastian and make him mine.
A whine escaped me, and I glanced to my left. Sebastian studied his screens, oblivious. He tapped at one of the monitors, and it blinked before returning with a clearer picture.
"That's more like it," he muttered under his breath.
