Page 71 of Scrubbing In
My head rears back, and I feel my face flush with the burst of anger that goes through me.
I had every intention of working with Joanne to rearrange assignments to ensure competent staffing for the acuity of this case. It would have been done behind the scenes after evaluating all the other rooms and cases with as little impact as possible, just as I always do when we have multiple emergent cases. This is why I am constantly monitoring the board and checking in with our charge nurse throughout the day.
However, right now, there is a sinking feeling in my stomach and I just stare at Julian with cold, unyielding eyes, flabbergasted that he almost outed us and had the audacity to talk shit about an employee to me, in front of one of my other employees.
As his girlfriend, in the privacy of our own space, I would respond in total agreement. Devin has been a headache I’vebeen dealing with for quite some time now, having multiple surgeons complain about her skill level. We have implemented improvement measures, but, with lack of adequate progress, she is facing a pending termination.
Here at work though, speaking in an extremely unprofessional manner, and with a witness, I am infuriated.
With his astounding ability to read me, as quickly as the outburst happened, Julian seems to catch himself. Straightening to his full height, his eyes shutter all emotion, and he clears his throat. “Please excuse me, that was?—”
“Dr. Jacobs, we make every effort to ensure our staff is able to handle the many variety of cases this facility sees. You have stated this case is emergent. As such, we have given you the same resources as any other surgeon needing to come back as quickly as possible. Now, please, how would you like to proceed? With the crew that is available and currently setting up,” I look to Joanne for confirmation. At her nod, I continue, “or would you prefer to follow Dr. Merritt’s case so you can have your preferred nurse and tech?”
His Adam’s apple bobs up and down, and I have to blink rapidly to contain the burning in my eyes. My throat tightens when he responds, voice low and hoarse. “My patient can’t wait to follow another room. But I am requesting, when another tech is available, please switch them with Devin.”
Looking away from Julian, I address Joanne. “If we can accommodate Dr. Jacobs’s request for a different scrub tech, please see that it happens.”
Upset but trying to appear calm, I give them both a tight smile. Julian’s blue-gray eyes hold my stare, and with an almost imperceptible shake of his head, he turns toward the semi-restricted hallway and stomps away.
CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
Julian
I stand rigidly,arms folded tight across my body as I pace along the perimeter of the room while the patient is being intubated. I once again twist my neck to loosen some of the tension gripping my body. I’ve purposely remained as far away from Devin as I can. She’s heeded the “stay the fuck back” vibes rolling off me and has remained across the room, but that hasn’t stopped her from fluttering her lashes at me.
When the door opens and Elle pushes through, my shoulders instantly fall at the gown and gloves she’s holding.
Elle approaches Devin, and while I can’t hear what is being exchanged, Devin shakes her head and her hands wave around animatedly before pointing at me. Their heads whip in my direction, and she coyly flutters her lashes with raised brows, seeming to think I will request she stay for the case. Not a chance! She petulantly flounces from the room when my gaze remains steely and indifferent.
Elle’s eyes soften as she passes by me to use the sanitizing hand rub in preparation to scrub in. I give a single dip of my chin.
A couple hours later, I tug my gown at the waist, feeling the velcro at my neck give and the tie at my waist snap. Removingthe dirty gown and gloves all together, I ball it up inside out and throw it in the trash.
“Thank you,” I say as I turn to Elle, the scrub tech who ended up doing this case—thank fucking god. Grateful doesn’t even come close to how I feel not having to work with Devin.
I honestly couldn’t care less about her feelings. There are bigger problems rattling around in my brain, making me feel edgy and frantic. I was able to push it all out of my mind so I could fixate the open tibia fracture, but now that I’m finished, the tension comes rushing back.
Rolling my shoulders and stretching my neck, I trudge to the waiting room to update my patient’s spouse, but my thoughts are still on Leena and her shocked, green eyes as I lost my temper before. As I almost outed our relationship at work. As I fucked up massively and still have no clue how I'm going to fix it.
After I update the spouse and dictate my operative notes, I remain in the dictation pod in solemn retrospect, sitting with my head in my hands as I replay the conversation from before.
I don’t want to admit this, but surgeons are spoiled. And we can throw tantrums to rival that of a sleepy toddler who refuses to nap when we don’t get our way. Should I have made a big deal about not having my usual team? No, probably not. If my case was so emergent, I should’ve been willing to take whatever crew was available. But the mounting anxiety over Leena’s sudden reticence this past week and the fear that she is pulling away for reasons I can’t figure out, compounded by the weekend’s call situation—frustrated by how slowly the staff moved and the unwelcome and repeated advances from Devin—I was already spoiling to explode. So being told I would be working with Devin set me off.
I’m not proud of how I acted today, so I make two promises to myself. One, I will strive to be more professional in this type of situation in the future.
Two, and the most important one, I will never put Leena in the position I did today. It was wrong to hope and expect her to take my side. If we weren’t in a relationship, I might still have asked to talk to her because, honestly, I could not work with Devin today and will not be able to in the future. However, that should have been an issue I brought up privately and before today’s episode.
How Devin interacted with me this weekend was harassment, and it should have been reported as soon as possible. I think in normal circumstances, I would have at least reached out to the clinical supervisor with my complaint. Or requested a meeting with management at their earliest convenience—like yesterday, with it being Monday and the first day most management is in the office—and then maybe it would have been disseminated to the charge nurse that Devin not be assigned to my room.
But I approached today’s situation with the thought of Leena—my girlfriend, not the OR Clinical Supervisor—coming to my aid with no questions asked. And then I went one step further and almost verbalized those thoughts with no regard for our surroundings, audience, or agreement to keep our relationship private.
So, yeah, I need to atone for quite a few wrongs I committed today. First up will be Joanne because I know she’ll still be here managing the desk. Second, I need to speak with Leena—as my girlfriend first, and then as Devin’s supervisor. Third, request a meeting with Leena and her bosses to make them aware of the situation—that I will be making a formal complaint with Human Resources.
Having just apologized to Joanne,I am now clenching my fists in my pockets. Her sardonic grin grating on my already-frayed nerves.
Arms crossed and chin jutting out, she appears to be taking great joy in telling me, “This wasn’t my first surgeon hissy fit, Dr. Jacobs, and I’m sure it won’t be my last either.”
A flicker of amusement runs through me because I don’t doubt she is wrong on both accounts, but it’s quickly extinguished.
