Page 50 of Scrubbing In
It’s long overdue to talk to him honestly. It’s my turn to reassure him.
Moving across the room, I set down the waters I just grabbed from the fridge on the bedside table next to him. I look him straight in the eye, cupping his jaw with both hands as I say, “I’m done running away from you, Julian. In fact, I may be running towards you now.”
The most glorious smile breaks across his face, dimple popping and all, and the tension around his eyes relaxes. He grabs the back of my thighs and pulls me between his spread legs.
“Good. Because, Aleena,” with a squeeze of his hands on my thighs, he trails them over the curve of my ass and up my back, “I was serious about not letting you go. I want every part of you, even the scared or not-so-picture-perfect parts.”
Leaning forward, he places a chaste kiss to the middle of my chest. “We can move at whatever speed you want. I only want to know that we’re a ‘we.’”
With a hitch of one eyebrow, I ask, “We?” At his nod, I continue, “‘We’ sounds nice. If . . . we can keep this between us for now?” Then I hold my breath.
He stares at me for a moment as if processing my words. “You wanna hide our relationship?” He doesn’t sound upset, just curious.
A breath bursts from my lungs with a deep whoosh. “This has happened so fast, it almost feels impossible to be in this deep so soon. I want to give us time to see if this is really real, and what we both want.” Wrinkling his brow, he tilts his head. “I’ve told you, I’ve seen relationships turn very messy when two people work together in the OR. It really is like its own small world, everyone knows your business and talks about it. I hate being the center of attention, so the thought of everyone talking and whispering about me sounds like my worst nightmare.”
“So, they won’t be talking about us now, just later?”
My hands fiddle with the hair at his nape. My voice comes out quiet, wobbling over my words. “It sounds silly like that, but I want us to get to know each other without that pressure. If it doesn’t work out, we can just go on as if nothing ever happened.”
“Why are you already planning for the end before we’ve even begun?” he growls out. Now he does look upset, eyebrows drawn together and jaw clenching.
“You just never know, Julian,” I say, looking away.
Releasing a deep breath, he catches my chin in his hands. Holding me until my eyes meet his, he softly replies, “This may scare you, and I probably shouldn’t say it, but I’m all in with you, pretty girl. You own me. In a real, lasting, permanent way. It’s like something clicked in me that day when I first saw you.”
My face must give away my skepticism.
“That! That right there is why I shouldn’t have said anything. And, trust me, I get it. I was doubtful that kind of love could really exist.” My heart stutters at the L word. “I mean, I’ve seen it with my parents, but they’ve always seemed like the exception, not the rule.” Smoothing and tucking a wayward curl behind my ear, he says, “Then I walked into that coffee shop and everything tilted on its axis. It feels like my world spins for you now.”
His words are so pretty, and I want to believe them. It just feels so impossible that anyone can simply know it with such certainty or fall that fast.
“You don’t have to say anything back, I just needed you to know how I felt. I also meant it when I said we move at your speed. If that means we keep this private until you're comfortable, we can do that.”
Swallowing past the lump in my throat, I blink my eyes against the threat of tears. “Thank you for understanding, Julian.”
I wish I could say more, but the words feel locked down tight inside me. Because my feelings seem as intense as he described, but trusting in them is hard. I’ve never really been an “act first and think about it later” kind of girl. I overthink and want to plan for every possible scenario. It doesn’t matter if it comes to friends, work, or relationships. That’s why my circle is small, it'swhy it took me so long to take that leap at work into the clinical supervisor role.
Julian understanding my reluctance, even without knowing me very well, is one of the things that has made it so hard to fight my feelings for him. I don’t want to miss out on what could possibly be the best thing to ever happen to me. It may be at a more cautious pace than him, and I’ll have to hope he means what he says about moving at my speed.
“I also don’t want our personal feelings to interfere in our jobs.”
With a shake of his head, he says, “Of course not, baby. There is no reason for it to, but we’ll make sure of it.”
Hooking my arm around his neck, I sink onto his sheet-covered thigh and smile. His answering grin is a little mischievous, but then he’s tickling my cheek and neck with his beard before kissing below my ear.
“So where did you sneak off to while I was sleeping?”
Oh! “I put your clothes in the washer. Figured you might want them cleaned after what happened in the car.”
An adorable shade of pink tinges Julian’s cheeks. Around a giggle, I say, “Baby, it was hot. I like that you got as carried away as I did.”
I hold up the shorts still in my hand that I had forgotten about. “But I have these for you.”
Looking down at the fabric, he scowls as he snatches them up. “Whose are these?” he cracks out.
Startled by his reaction, I lean back and search his face. With a dawning realization, I smirk and ask, “Are you jealous, Doctor?”
“Of every man who has come before me,” he states emphatically. “I’d rather not wear something constantly reminding me of that fact.”
