Page 38 of Scrubbing In
Looking up from where she continues to trail her fingers over me, she blinks and whispers, “You really want that?”
“Hell no. But if you don’t stop, I’m gonna say ‘fuck it,’ push you inside that locker room, and do things we don’t have time for in a place we cannot afford to be found.”
A breathy moan escapes from her perfect lips, making my balls tighten. But she continues trailing her fingers all the way up my arm to my shoulder. Her nails dig in gently, and then she pulls me down as she tiptoes, and places a gentle kiss to my beard-covered jaw.
She must have surprised herself as much as me because she furiously blushes. But she stuns me further when she smirks and waggles her fingers in a flirty wave and says, “See you later, Doctor.”
I stare at the door for a few moments, more than a little shocked by how quickly things have once again changed between us, but I’m not mad about it.
With a shake of my head, I leave to change into my new scrubs for the day, whistling as I go.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Leena
I kissed him!
I kissed him.I cannot believe I kissed him. Anyone from pre-op or registration could have happened upon us. It felt so natural that I didn’t even think about it, I was pressing my lips to his chin and pulling back before I even realized what I had done. Yeah, it was only a little peck on his chin, but still.
There was also the way he grabbed my bag then whispered in my ear—I’m swooning for two different reasons. He’s seriously messing with my head. Among other things, if my damp panties are anything to go by. It’s way too early in the day to be turned on.
With my cup of coffee—yep, still swooning—I get to the front desk. I find a Post-It note from last night's call crew informing me they will not be coming in due to a case that ended after 2 a.m. I glance at yesterday’s add-on cases and see it was Julian who was working all evening and late into the night.
This freaking guy!
Instead of trying to get as much sleep as possible this morning, he went out and got me my favorite coffee. And now that I think about it, he wasn’t carrying another cup. Either hedowned his own, needing the hit of caffeine, or he only went for me. Seriously? How am I supposed to resist him? Especially when I never wanted to in the first place.
I’m starting to see I’ve been in denial—this has been a losing battle from the beginning. I could have probably saved myself some agony had I not freaked out and just gone with the flow from the beginning.
But has the chase been part of the draw for Julian?
If I give in now, what will happen next?
Trying to stem the downward spiral, I dive into work. Another busy day ahead, and we are two people short.
“Another glorious morning. It makes me sick!” I repeat one of the best cinematic lines ever and giggle a little manically to myself. It’s the small things I have to find joy in sometimes, or I might lose my mind.
Even with my epiphany,I find myself still unable to make a definitive move. I can’t completely resist the pull Julian has over me or come to terms with how much I want to throw caution to the wind, so I continue to hold back.
These feelings swirling around inside are intense and chaotic. Can I trust it’s possible to fall so hard and fast, and have it actually be lasting? It’s hard to let go of the fear that what Julian and I share is just an unstated physical desire, an explosive chemical reaction. I worry the feelings could fizzle out, our fire cooling as quickly as it burned. What if my feelings are deeper and stronger while he realizes it was only the chase?
Of course, there is also the lingering panic that runs deep at the thought of people finding out about us. Whispering. Judging.For many of these people, I am a leader, and I want to be respected and acknowledged for the job I do.
I really do not want their scrutiny, them mocking or belittling me. Talking about my relationship, or what I might have done to get Julian’s attention. I know it shouldn’t matter what anyone thinks of me and my personal life. But when you mix business and pleasure, it opens the door to others’ opinions.
Attempting the “out of sight, out mind” approach to Julian proves futile.
I allow myself to be immersed in our few stolen moments each morning and random text exchanges throughout the day. Revel in every heated touch and fiery look. Then I try—and fail—to keep my mind from straying to thoughts of him. A glimpse of him in the corridors or the way I’m unable to keep my eyes from zeroing in on the cameras in his room when I go to the front desk. Even in moments of quiet at home, Charlie has taken to humming the “Sitting In A Tree (K-I-S-S-I-N-G)” nursery rhyme.
Let’s just say I have spent lots of time on my exercise bike. Choosing the hardest and most difficult rides, hoping exhaustion will purge my brain of thoughts of Julian.
So by next Friday evening, I am both mentally and physically exhausted.
Normally, I work a twelve-hour shift, checking in with the evening charge nurse, Erin, before leaving. But it’s been a crazy afternoon with two different Trauma STATs, her working a room, me being a runner for the trauma cases and making sure the staff got lunch breaks. Julian had a case in his individual block this afternoon, but it was too busy to do more than make discreet eye contact while I gave his nurse her break.
It’s days like this that have me cursing my Mondays off when I’ve been at work for sixteen hours. With steps that feel like my feet are dragging through mud, I take a quick shower to washthe grime of the day away. When I’m dressed, I let my hair down with a whole-body sigh and clock out.
Stepping outside, it never ceases to amaze me there are days I arrive before the sun has risen and leave after it’s set. Hefting my bag higher on my shoulder, I start trudging towards my car.
