Page 72 of Scrubbing In
“I do appreciate you owning up to what you did. That I have not experienced.” She pauses, then her eyes widen in mischief. “I’m not sure I’ll get over seeing little Leena putting the hulking doctor in his place, though. That may be the best thing I’ve ever witnessed.”
My skin crawls at her cackle. It also makes me sick to my stomach, and embarrassed that I put Leena in a position where she was forced to stand up for her staff. Absently nodding my head, my fist bounces on the countertop before I slowly step back. “Yes, well again, I am sorry,” I croak out. I clear my throat with a tight smile and retreat.
Leaving the front desk, I stroll down the hall towards Leena’s office, hoping to catch her. Chelsea sits at her desk but lifts her head when my height filters the bright hallway light shining into their shared space.
“Hello, Dr. Jacobs,” she greets me jovially.
With a tight smile, I ask, “Is Leena around?”
She shakes her head, saying, “Oh, no. She’s left for the day. Can I help you with something?”
“No, that’s okay.” Deflating, I back up, already pulling my phone from my pocket. “Have a nice afternoon.”
Voices carry to me and I lift my head, realizing this isn’t the place I should be calling Leena. My feet hurriedly carry me in the direction of the physicians’ lounge, where I will have more privacy.
I’ve been staring at our text thread on my phone for at least the last twenty minutes, feeling hesitant and unsure about what to say, and if I should call or text Leena. All of a sudden, I see the dancing dots pop up, indicating she is typing a message. I wait to see what she’ll say.
I stand and start pacing, though, as they disappear and then reappear multiple times.
When a message finally appears, I collapse onto the sofa in the lounge because it feels like I’ve been throat punched.
Pretty Girl: I’m at a loss for what to say right now. But I do think it would be best if you didn’t come home tonight. Stay at the condo so we can have a little time apart…
I’m too numb to notice the way a few of the other doctors in the lounge look at me. It feels like a ton of bricks is sitting on my chest, crushing me. Or maybe it’s my heart feeling brittle and on the verge of shattering at the thought of Leena walking away.
The power the love of your life unwittingly holds over you is astronomical. Their ability to crush you, leave you with an aching hole is staggering. She hasn’t said we’re over, but the thought of it, knowing it's a possibility, may just be equally as devastating.
Me: I’ll give you whatever you need right now. Just know I’m not letting you go or giving up on us. I made a colossal mistake today and we need to talk about it. When you're ready of course.
As expected, she doesn’t respond. I debate sending another message. Deciding I need to address the Devin situation formally, I type out the following message.
Me: I am not trying to crowd you or disrespect your wishes. So I am sending this message as Dr. Jacobs. I will be requesting a meeting with Ivy and Mary to discuss an urgent concern regarding Devin that I should have brought to your attention sooner. I feel I owe you the respect of a heads up.
When her only reply is a thumbs up tapback to my last message, I drop my phone on the cushion next to me.
On the verge of flipping the coffee table in front of me and destroying the entire room, I ball my hands into fists to help resist the temptation. The sting from my blunt nails pressing into my palms helps bring me a semblance of clarity.
I have no idea what to do about these foreign feelings and urges—this desperate feeling of love for her, the urge to do anything to make this right, the feeling that I’m losing her, and I don’t know how to fix it. It’s all overwhelming and all-consuming. But, I’ve also never hurt the woman I love before, and her wanting space is that consequence. I can only desperately hope she will give me the chance to make this right.
CHAPTER FIFTY
Leena
To sayI spent the rest of my day at work fuming would be putting it mildly. I am terrible at hiding my emotions, and it only makes me more upset when I’m at work and completely distracted.
Everyone assumed it was the confrontation with Julian that had me on edge because, of course, the tale has already started making its rounds through the department. I don’t think Joanne caught the undertones of our face-off, but worrying if people are speculating about us makes me feel like I’m walking around with my heart in my throat.
By the time I get home, I feel like I'm on a teeter totter of emotions, going from incensed about what transpired today to self-reproach from hiding something from Julian.
At the sound of a throat clearing, I look up to see Charlie studying me from the kitchen doorway.
“Hey,” I say, voice cracking. Her shoulders sag and mouth twists with a weak smile. “I guess you heard.”
“Oh, babe.” She hurries across the room and wedges herself right next to me. Then she takes my limp hand in hers. “Yeah, I heard. But . . . you’ve been off all week. And then Julian was super moody yesterday.” I draw in an audible breath, and shegives my hand a squeeze. “I wanted to give you guys space to deal with whatever’s been going on.”
My chin falls to my chest. The guilt has been eating me up inside. Since witnessing Jace guiltily hiding Quinn’s shirt and her abrupt departure, I’ve been agonizing over if I should have told Julian to begin with. Is it a secret worth keeping? Something obviously transpired between his sister and his best friend, and they didn't want him to know.
Julian is so attuned to me that he instantly knew something was off. He was so sweet, letting me be at first, but I could sense his worry increasing. Asking what was wrong and offering me the opportunity to get it off my chest would normally have been what I needed. However, it only had me clamming up even more around him.
