Page 7 of Scrubbing In
But, now, all I want to do is burrow into this couch and pretend it never happened.
“We may need to rethink calling each other that. People are going to think we have kids secreted away somewhere.”
She waves me off. “Most people wouldn’t understand how delirious and slaphappy we were after that neverending call shift from hell.”
I laugh at the memory of the day we started calling each other that nickname as a joke that never stopped.
She plops down on the huge ottoman that doubles as a coffee table, sending the tray with coasters, some magazines, and a book toppling to the floor. I laugh as she just looks at the mess and turns back to me, head tilted at a speculative angle. “But I don't think they would be all that surprised if you did actually have a kid. Youarepretty private with most people at work”
“I don’t want to be the reason people are gossiping, Mama, and we both know how those people gossip about everything. I’drather remain private and give them nothing to dissect or make bigger than it really is.”
“Bad bitches don’t care what people say about them. And we are bad bitches. Let’s talk about somethingwecan dissect. Tell me everything!”
With one serious relationship under my belt that left me feeling insecure and wary of trusting that my heart will be handled with care, I tend to be too cautious and closed off. There have been a few men I’ve been interested in before, flirted with, even dated, but I’ve never felt safe enough to fully let my guard down and allow someone in.
With Julian, I felt different though—nervous for sure, but also excited and hopeful in a way I don’t understand. However, there is a part of me that is afraid it wasn't real or that I’ve made a bigger deal of our meeting than there actually was. Feeling like it all happened so fast, and for him to just walk away, I’ve been second guessing it all.
Charlie must sense my mood because she gently lifts the pillows and my legs, sits on the couch, and arranges them both in her lap. “Okay. What’s that look for?”
“I’m questioning the whole thing. This guy was seriously so hot. He was tall, like really tall, and looked like a real-life thirst trap in his suit. I was practically eye fucking him and drooling. There is no way he didn’t notice.” I groan in embarrassment. “But Mama, it seemed like he was doing the same thing to me. He wouldn’t stop looking at me, and . . . oh gosh, his smile!” I throw my head back, covering my face.
“Sounds hot to me. I was practically swooning reading your messages. What I really want to hear about is how he swooped in to save you.”
“He did not swoop in. A little kid crashed into him on a scooter.” A part of me wants to laugh because even though I’m the one that got hurt, the whole thing must have been prettycrazy to see. I would think it was funny if I wasn’t wondering how I could’ve mistaken what was happening.
Charlie squints her eyes. “He wasn’t injured and literally carried you off to be nursed back to health.” She flutters her lashes ridiculously.
Sinking deeper into the couch, I feel like I’m crashing out all over again. The way Julian swept me up into his arms like it required no effort at all had me melting. I couldn’t process it as it was happening. But right now, I think of all the ways he could throw me around like a ragdoll and have his way with me.It’s so unfair.
Pushing my bottom lip out, I sulkily pout. “It doesn’t matter, because I obviously misread him. He didn’t ask for my number and just left me hanging as he walked away.”
“Aha! Oh my god!” Charlie’s sudden yelp causes me to jump and wince at the intense throbbing sensation pulsing in my ankle. “Sorry, sorry,” she says soothingly. “I’ve never seen you like this.Over a guy! I need you to break it all down for me, do not leave out a single detail.”
Over a veryunfancygirl dinner—a lazy charcuterie of cheese, crackers, and fruit on paper plates so we don’t have dishes to clean up—I relive the events of this morning with as much detail as Charlie demands, meaningevery single one.
With heavy eyesand repeated attempts to stifle my yawns, I tell Charlie I’m off to bed.
She grabs my hands and waits until I look at her. “I know it’s been a while since you’ve connected with someone. And believe me, I understand how hard it can be to trust. It’s okay thatyou’re feeling hurt and disappointed with how things ended with Julian. It may be time to put yourself out there, try dating again. You may be surprised.”
“Don’t you think you should put yourself out there too?”
Turning her nose up, she sniffs, “We are not talking about me right now.”
Deciding it best to deal with only one of our issues at the moment, I don’t push her. Instead, I quietly say, “It was all really intense. I’ve never felt anything like I did today.” I release a breath in a gust before continuing, “But then I just keep wondering if this type of instant connection thing can actually happen in real life. Because how could I have made it all up in my head? You know?”
Charlie gives a nod of understanding. “If it’s as intense as you say, I can see why you’re doubting it. But that doesn’t mean it can’t happen in real life. While today may have been a missed opportunity, it shows you that those feelings are possible. With the right guy, I think it can feel overwhelming, but it’ll be okay because he’ll be right there with you. Don’t give up on finding that guy for you.”
Pulling her into an embrace, I hold on tight for a moment. Thankful for my best friend always being there, whether I need a comforting word or a swift kick in the ass.
Suddenly breaking her hug, I blurt, “Hey. I forgot to ask. Did Connor mention anything to you about the new surgeon who just signed on coming around tomorrow?”
“Nope.” She pops the p and reaches into the bag of gummy bears in her lap.
“Hmm, okay. He and Ivy both texted me. They’d like me to give the guy a tour of Surgical Services before he scrubs in with Connor. I wanted to give you a heads up so you could have his gown and gloves ready.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
Julian
