Page 40 of Scrubbing In
Three short knockson the door pull me from thoughts of blue-gray eyes and my fingers in soft brown hair. Tossing and turning most of the night before falling into a restless sleep, I have been up for a little while, just staring at my ceiling.
Charlie slowly pushes open my bedroom door, poking her head in. “Coffee, Mama?”
“Yes,please!” Pushing myself up, I arrange the pillows behind me. She hands me a cup of coffee, steam visibly floating off the creamy caffeinated goodness. As I take my first sip, Charlie crawls under my covers. She purposefully tucks her cold feet against my calves, causing me to wince and almost spill the coffee all over both of us.
Soaking up the heat from the cup wrapped in my hands, I savor each swallow. Glancing down at my best friend cuddling up next me with her eyes closed, I carefully set my cup on my night stand. Shimming back down, I rest my face on my hands and sadly tell her, “I ran away again last night.”
Her eyes pop open to study my face, and she stays quiet as I work to gather my thoughts. “I want him. I don’t want to fight this thing anymore.”
“So what happened?”
“We were in the parking lot. He was waiting by my car when I got off last night.”
“Oh my god! Really?” She squeals and wiggles closer.
“Mm-hmm.” Fiddling with my nose ring, I eye her before making my next admission. “We ended up kissing against my car.”
“What?!” Charlie shrieks. She sits up immediately, crossing her legs under her. She brings her hands to her mouth, eyes wide. “Tell me everything!”
Sitting up too, I tip my head back against the headboard and sigh. “It was so freaking hot, Mama.” Just the memory makes my core clench. “He lifted me up and pressed me against the car.”
“Aye!” she cries, fanning herself. “That does sound hot. So why do you look so sad about it?”
“I heard an ambulance pulling in and I freaked out.” Wincing, I squeeze my eyes shut as I tell her the next part. “I pushed him away and told him it was a mistake.”
“Leena!”
Charlie calling me by name makes me feel worse.
“I know.” Groaning, I flop onto my back. “I just . . . was worried about being seen like that. I don’t want to run anymore, but I’m not ready to be under the microscope and have everyone whispering about us and our relationship.”
“What people say about you behind your back is not your business. You need to focus on what makes you happy, not what everyone else thinks.”
“Hitting me with the hard truths this morning?”
“Here’s another hard truth: that man isdown badfor you. But that doesn’t mean he won’t give up, Leena.”
I swallow against the lump in my throat. I know she’s right, that is one of the things I’ve been obsessing over since I got homelast night. Looking away, I have to rapidly blink my eyes to stem the sting of tears.
Rubbing my shoulder soothingly, Charlie leans her forehead against mine. “Mama, I know you’re scared of these big feelings and how it could make you the center of attention. But you need to ask yourself if he’s worth it. Can you stand the pressure of the gossip for a while? Because you know, even if you are the topic everyone is talking about, it will only be until the next big thing happens.”
“I want him to be worth it, I really do.”
“Then talk to him. Let him know what has you so scared. Maybe you guys can, I don’t know, see how things go quietly, hide whatever is happening for now. If it fizzles out, then no one needs to know.”
“I guess . . .”
“Think about it, Leena. I would hate to see you lose something special before you ever really gave it a shot.” She pecks my nose and rolls out of bed. “Love you, Mama.”
All afternoon,my mind is whizzing all over the place. I try taking an everything shower to pamper myself, but I can’t stop the questions flying around inside my head.
Is he worth taking a chance on? Can I really ignore being the latest juicy scandal everyone is prattling on about? Can we maintain our professional boundaries while being in a personal relationship? Would he be willing to sneak around for my sake? If we fizzle out or end badly, can I put it aside at work? Can I see him or hear about him with someone else? My gut burns atthe thought because, either way, I hate the thought of him with anyone but me. What does it say that I’m so doubtful about us?
I’m sitting at my puzzle table in the fading evening light, shifting through the pieces without really seeing them when my phone buzzes with a text.
Sylvie: Babes you better come get your man!
Me: ??? Wrong number, who dis?
