Page 51 of Assisting the Alpha
Ohhh, that’s why he’s tense. I hurry to reassure him. “No! Goddess, no. Teddy bear, remember? I turned him down, it got awkward, and we… we were heading back inside when we were attacked from behind.
“It’s just… I can’t help thinking that he wouldn’t have been out there if it weren’t for me. If I hadn’t been dancing with him all night, he wouldn’t have gotten the wrong idea. And if he hadn’t been out there, maybe he wouldn’t have been attacked the second time. Maybe—” I choke on a sob. “—maybe he’d still be alive.”
Ethan tightens his grip on me and holds me close while I cry on his chest. It’s the first time I’ve let myself cry over Irving. The first time I’ve let the guilt overwhelm me.
When I calm down and try to discreetly wipe my tears, sniffing, Ethan cups my cheek and tilts my face up to his. “It’s not your fault, sweet thing.”
“You don’t know that. It could be. They might not have gone for him otherwise.” A rogue tear slips down my cheek.
Ethan brushes it away with his thumb. “The only person whose fault it is is the person who killed him. Dancing with someone isn’t saying you want more, it’s saying you’re having fun dancing. That’s it.”
I nod. I do know that. I get up and go to the bathroom to clean up my face and blow my nose. I’m in the kitchen getting a glass of water, the city lights filtering in through the darkened window, when Ethan comes to find me.
He puts his arms around me, as solid and safe as always. “It’s not your fault, Ayo.”
I put my glass down. His words are starting to sink in, although it’s hard to let go of that insidious guilt. But if it were anyone else, I’d be saying the same thing.
Ethan presses a kiss to my temple. “I won’t let them get you.”
It’s half whisper, half promise. It helps.
I pick up my glass again and drink, then leave it beside the sink to deal with in the morning. I turn to head back to bed, but Ethan snags me around the waist.
“I mean it, Ayo. Even if my overprotectiveness drives you insane and you dump me because dating an alpha wolf is too intense for you, or I irritate you so much that you keep dating me but move out to get some space, I will keep you safe.” He whispers that into my hair, almost like a confession, and I suppose it is.
He loosens his grip enough that I can turn and look up at him. In the darkness of the kitchen, his blue eyes glow with his wolf.
“Thank you.” I press up on tiptoes to kiss him. “Although, I figured I’d be moving out anyway as soon as I can afford a place.”
His grip on me tightens, his stern eyebrows pulling down. “I suppose that would be a sensible, healthy thing to do this early in a relationship.”
I laugh quietly. “You hate the idea, don’t you?”
“I don’t want you to feel dependent on me…”
“But?”
“But yes. You’re mine. I want you in my life, in my home, in my bed. Consensually.”
I shake my head, still chuckling. “All right, big guy. I’ll think about it. You can start by taking me back to bed.”
I squeal when he picks me up, throws me over his shoulder, and does exactly that.
I think we might need to find a bigger training space. I jump out of the way as Raj chases Jet around the room, both in their shifted forms. Kit is shifted too, looking for all the world like an oversized, bored house cat, licking a paw and ignoring the antics of the other two.
Skye is perched on Cal’s shoulder, his brown feathers brushing against Cal’s ear as Skye chirps at him. I have no idea if Cal can understand what he’s saying, but he acts like he does, nodding occasionally.
Ethan is in human form, which is a pity because I absolutely love him in wolf form. He’s this gorgeous mix of soft grey and white fur, huge of course, and likes to rub up against me and lick me to show his affection.
“Pick someone, it doesn’t matter who, and see if you can hit them.” Ethan lets go of my waist and takes a step back, giving me room to work.
I really wasn’t sure about this plan the first time he explained it, but then he reminded me that they can all hear us and wouldn’t be down here if they didn’t want to be, and that taking my enemy by surprise is something that could save my life one day. There’s nothing like training from your ex-SAS boyfriend to hammer home how ordinary your life used to be.
I prepare the concussion ball I’ve been practising.
The team go on full alert, because just like with fireballs, the concussion ball is visible in my hand. Raj, Jet, and Kit all have their ears pointed in my direction. I whip my arm back and throw it at where Jet is about to be because he’s making me dizzy running all those circles around the room, but he jerks at the lastminute, changing direction and colliding with Raj. The spell just catches the tip of Jet’s tail before harmlessly hitting the ward.
It wouldn’t be harmless if it hit the wall, which is why I beefed up the ward this time.
