Page 51 of Falling for the Felid
I leave them to it and go to say hi to my sibs and their partners, who have indiscreetly clustered together to stare at Ari and whisper to each other.
“You guys are so uncool,” I chide.
“Cool is a fallacy,” Greta tells me, not taking her eyes off Ari. “He’s super hot, Fe.”
“And put together,” Kyle adds. “Not your type at all.”
I sock him in the arm. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He shrugs sulkily, rubbing his arm, but Jory answers, “Just that you usually go for guys who are verging on disaster. Or creepy, some of your exes have definitely been creepy.”
I’m beginning to think this might have been a bad idea. “Okay, first off, I don’t date creepy guys”—I think—“and Ari and I aren’t dating, anyway. He’s not my boyfriend.”
Greta actually laughs out loud, but my sister-in-law grimaces. “Oh, honey. Don’t let another guy use you like that.”
“What? No! He’s not using me. If anything, I’m using him.”
“Oh? Do tell,” Kyle’s partner says silkily. “This is a side of you we’ve never seen before.”
“That’s gross,” Kyle mutters, “but yeah. What do you mean, you’re using him?”
Fuck. “It’s not… What I meant…” Damn, damn,damn. I cast a desperate glance around the room, checking that my parents and teenage nephew aren’t listening. This is not a conversation that I want them to hear, and we shifters hear nearly everything. “It’s a mutual agreement,” I mutter, hating that I feel like the baby of the family right now. I’m in my forties, for fuck’s sake. If I was human, I’d definitely be considered an adult—middle-aged, even.
Which, on second thought, makes me super glad I’m not human. Imagine if I was my age and already almost halfway through life. How do they get anything done?
“A mutual agreement,” Jory says delightedly. “Well, well.”
“Now who’s being creepy?” I accuse. “It’s not like that.”
“You don’t have sex with no strings?”
Oh. “It’s kind of like that. We’re friends, and he knows how hard the sexual hormones?—”
“Hard,” Greta snort-giggles. “I bet it was.”
“—have been for me.” I never thought I’d be the mature one in a conversation with my high-achieving siblings. This is newterritory for me. “He offered to help me, and I…” How do I finish that sentence without giving everything away?
From the way my siblings all sober and stare at me with varying degrees of concern and pity, I think it might be too late.
“We’re friends,” I repeat. “We’re helping each other out, and we enjoy spending time together. It’s been hard for me to keep friends, lately. Don’t make this weird for me.”
“Fe,” Jory begins, using his dad voice, but I shake my head.
“No. I don’t need rescuing. This isn’t a situation where I’m in over my head. Ari and I have talked about our expectations and needs, and we understand each other. I am a grown adult, Jory, so put your judgment away.” The last few words come out a little more heated than I planned.
My big brother holds up his hands. “I’m not judging you. I’m not,” he insists when I narrow my eyes. “You’re allowed to do whatever you want when it comes to your sex life—as long as it’s consensual on both sides. I just find it… unusual,” he continues, pausing to choose his words carefully, “that you, the person who has always claimed to be looking for a committed, settled relationship, are okay with a friends-with-benefits arrangement.”
That’s so touching. And also… so misguided. “I’m not saving myself for love, though. Yeah, I want to meet the right man and live happily ever after, but as you all love to point out, I’m young. What are the chances that I meet the love of my life before I even reach the century mark? In the meantime, I can have sex and enjoy it. I can even have relationships that might not work out.”
He looks unconvinced, but Greta winks at me. At least my sister gets it.
And if I’m fudging the truth slightly, well, it’s not hurting anyone. I know Ari cares about me, and maybe I’m deluding myself, but I think if he could deal with whatever the fuck it is that’s holding him back, he could probably love me. Like,loveme, love me. Be with me for real, as my boyfriend. He’s not ready for that, and I’m not going to push it, but I can be here, and if my feelings get a little tangled up in him, that’s my business.
Maybe I’ll end up hurt, but I know Ari won’t hurt me on purpose. I’ve been hurt before by people who didn’t care about me, and none of them ever tried to warn me to guard my feelings. So for now, what we’ve got is good with me.
“Dinner’s ready,” Mom announces, and it’s a relief to escape my overprotective siblings. I join Ari, determined to sit next to him at the table, and he smiles at me, a lot more relaxed than earlier.
“Your dad is a very interesting and complex man,” he tells me, and his tone makes it a compliment of the highest order. I grin at him.
