Page 22 of My Demon Neighbor
"Didn't you have them before as well?" Pythor questioned softly, and I couldn't deny it.
The panic attacks had been a part of my life ever since that night, and I didn't think they were going away anytime soon. I hadn't had a recurrence of the nightmares that had haunted me the first few months, so at least there was that.
"I suppose. I still feel like I should be doing more, pushing myself to try harder," I murmured, and Pythor's fingers twitched where his hand lay on the table between us. Did he want to reach out? Touch me? What would that feel like? Would it be scary, or would his hand feel warm and comforting like he did?
In the months since that night, the only person whose touch never sent me into a panic was Alia. She was the sweetest kid, and even my subconscious knew she wouldn't hurt me.
Pythor, though, he could. I knew he wouldn't. I trusted him, for some strange reason, but that didn't change the fact that he was so much stronger than me, so much bigger. He could hurt me if I let him in anymore, which was why I couldn't. I had to keep this physical space between us.
"You don't have to push yourself, Codie. This isn't a race. Take your time enjoying each new milestone, because it'll give you the strength you need to take another step," he murmured, and damn, he made so much sense.Whydid he make so much sense? "Now, would you like to stay awhile, or do you want to head home?"
I thought about it for a moment, but I didn't feel uncomfortable, and I was in no rush to go back home. While it was my safe haven, it felt nice to be out of that place for the first timein months. As long as I didn't have to be alone here, I thought I'd be okay.
"I'd like to stay, if that's okay," I murmured, and Pythor smiled widely.
"Of course! Would you like to watch a movie?"
So that was what we did. We sat on Pythor's couch with Hella's large body sprawled across our laps, and watched a movie. It was an action flick where the main character's brother gets kidnapped by the bad guys and he tears the world apart looking for him, with dramatic explosions, gory fights, and all the usual staples.
I couldn't remember the last time I'd just chilled like this. While Nessa and I met every weekend, her trips mostly involved restocking my kitchen and giving me updates about my latest work commissions and gallery sales.
While some of my paintings still made their way into various gallery displays—apparently, my 'mysterious hermit' personality was a draw for some people—my main source of income were commissions. I rarely did portraits, though. I'd never quite mastered them, and I didn't enjoy making them. Most of my commissions were about vibes more than concrete topics, and while I never cared much about where the commissions came from, the themes made me think my paintings could end up anywhere from casinos to old-money mansions.
The commissions were like a financial security blanket for me, and the eclectic requests also kept me interested in my art enough to keep going, especially on the days where I didn't feel like leaving my bed at all.
"What did you think?" Pythor asked, breaking into my thoughts and making me realize the credits had started rolling at some point as I got lostin my thoughts.
I smiled at him, stroking Hella's soft fur as she made sleepy sounds of happiness. "It was fun, if a little bloody."
Pythor chuckled. "That's a good description."
"Do you have a family?" I asked, then blinked in surprise. Where had that even come from? And talk about being intrusive. "Sorry, that's personal. You don't have to answer."
"It's okay. I don't in the proper sense. I lost my parents a long time ago. I do have some... siblings, of a sort. We're very close, and we lived together for a time until recently."
"Oh, that's nice. I'm an only child. I always thought it would be fun to have siblings."
"Your parents?"
I sighed, thinking about Mom and Dad. A part of me was glad they weren't here, that they hadn't had to see me like this, even though I would give anything to get a hug from my dad, or a kiss on my cheek from Mom.
"They had me late in life, and they passed when I was twenty-two."
"Oh, Codie. I'm so sorry."
I shrugged, stroking Hella some more because I didn't want to get lost in another bout of what-ifs.
Clearly sensing my need for a change of topic, Pythor said, "Hella really seems to like you."
I smiled, turning my gaze to the big, fluffy dog who'd woken up just enough to peer at us when Pythor said her name. "I like her too. She's a sweetheart, and she makes me feel safe."
"I thought you two might be a good fit, and I'm happy to see I was right."
"Thank you for bringing her to me." And for so much more.
"You're welcome," Pythor said, his dark eyes twinkling as he gave me a warm smile.
He'd said he wasn't interested in me that way, but if things were different, if I had met him a year ago, I knew I could've fallen for him very easily.
I still might if I wasn't so damned afraid of... of everything.
Pythor had quickly become one of the very few people Iwasn'tafraid of, and I couldn't risk that sense of safety by letting myself feel things I had no business feeling when I didn't think I could act on them.
Just the thought of being touched by someone like that was enough to make me shudder, and the fear helped me push away all thoughts of romance.
It wasn't in the cards for us, but I'd gladly be Pythor's friend for as long as he'd have me.
