Page 20 of Double Dared
“I can always get it up,” he said in an off-handed manner.
I gave him a deadpan,do-I-look-entertainedlook, but he laughed.
“I crack myself up,” he said.
“It’s never boring in there, is it?” I asked, pointing at his head.
“Not a day passes that I don’t make myself laugh and that I don’t give myself a compliment,” he said wisely, making me break at last.
CHAPTER SEVEN
taylor
It wasgood to see him laugh.
Harrison had been wearing a sullen expression ever since Emma had appeared in the park. Now, as we walked into Calloway’s, where the grill was still flaming and the taps were put to hard work, I looked at his shaking shoulders and listened to his rumbling laughter, and it felt right.
We sat down in the middle of the joint, ordered our food and milkshakes, and ran into a moment of silence that neither of us knew how to fill. Then I had a terrible idea.
“Was today the first time you saw her since splitting?” I asked.
Harrison’s face tightened, and he nodded. He looked at the menu again.
“Sorry.”
He looked up. For a moment, I wanted to apologizeagain, more clearly, but then he spoke. “Don’t be. You have a right to ask.”
“I didn’t mean to bring down the mood,” I said.
“It’s not your responsibility to keep it light, Taylor,” he said. “It’s my problem that I can’t…” He cut himself off with a frown and looked away.
“Can’t what? What were you going to say?”
Harrison drew a deep breath, his chest rising, and leaned back in his chair as he exhaled. “The particular words I was going to use were ‘move on,’ but that isn’t right. I’m not trying to move on.”
“I know.” But…wasn’t he? It was so difficult to know. We were caught in lies within lies. Sometimes, Harrison looked so relieved that we were alone, and he could laugh and be happy and forget all about Emma. Then, at first mention or reminder, he closed up, tensed, and looked wary of questions that might lead him to any kind of revelation.
And some part of me was tempted to meddle, to take his hand, and lead him out of the mire he was in. He could do so much more than this. He could have more than this.
“Real talk,” I said, leaning in. “Do you think it will work?”
Harrison forced a smile while his eyes focused on me. “I’m out of ideas.”
“It’s not exactly the fervor of a lover who can’t go on living without their other half,” I said.
His facial muscles tensed a little, just enough that I noticed. His gaze remained on my face, but some of thefire went out. “You don’t have to keep doing this if you think it’s pointless.”
I pulled away from him, my back pressing against the wooden backrest and my hands pulling to the edge of the table. “Do you think it’s pointless?”
“I never said that,” Harrison retorted. “But it looks to me like you’re searching for a way out.”
“Don’t put words into my mouth,” I said. Why was he being like this? “I’m holding my end of the bargain, aren’t I?”
“Sure, and you’re reminding me just how useless this whole thing is,” Harrison said, his eyelids fluttering as he looked away from me and focused on the darts on the far end of the room. “So why bother? Why go through the charades for some prank when the one thing I want isn’t going to happen?”
“Do I have to convince you to keep fake-dating me now?” I asked with a slice of incredulity. He was way too touchy about this, and that just wasn’t going to cut it.
“Do I have to convince you? Because I won’t. All we’re doing is going places together, hopingsomethinghappens.” He scoffed and rolled his eyes. “What do you think we’re gonna achieve on Friday? Your friends are going to think we’re more than friends. Big joke.”
