Page 30 of Double Dared
Some of the spark went out of her eyes. “Oh, Harrison.” The tiredness in her voice cut me deep. It was the same tiredness that I had seen on the day she had told me things weren’t working well anymore.
“Let’s just give it more time,” I’d said. “Maybe try harder. Or try not trying so hard. Whatever you think is better.”Please.But she’d only shaken her head and told me that she’d been thinking about leaving for so long that she realized she was already out the door.
“I’m sorry,” I said firmly. “That was a stupid thing to say.”
“I don’t get it,” Emma said. “You’re not an insecure guy. Of all the people I’ve met, you’re probably the only one who knows exactly what he wants, what he likes, and where he’s headed.”
So what was I lacking, then? But I didn’t ask that question. I knew better now. “Maybe I’m not so sure beneath the surface, Emma.”
“And if you’re not, I’m sorry,” she said. “Truly, Harrison, I’m sorry if I misjudged you or handled it poorly or hurt you. I only did it the way I knew how and because I thought you felt the same.”
“I don’t know what could have made you thinkthat,” I said, not accusingly at all. Emma didn’t flinch at it. She knew this wasn’t a fight. I needed to know.
“Your confidence,” she said. “Your sense of self. Your sense of your place in the world. Your drive. You are so much more, so much of the time, than most people are. I never knew how to match it, Harrison.”
I wanted to laugh. So I was just too good to be with. What a useful load.
“And sometimes, people just don’t want something,” she said, lifting her cup and drinking some of her tea.
“I’m not asking. Not really.” I held back a disappointed sigh. I’d hoped that she would tell me…well, I’d hoped that she would tell me life hadn’t been the same and that she’d reconsidered and that she was hoping we could find a way to work things out as I’d suggested.
But if that couldn’t happen yet, then I hoped to hear a reason why she’d walked away from two years of building something together just to later say she was moderately happy. Where was the romance? Where were the dreamy looks, sighs, and glances at the mere mention of Michael’s name?
We sat in silence for a while longer. Emma finished half her cup, and I was down to foam in mine. My sandwich sat untouched on its plate, going cold.
“Today,” I said. “At the gallery. Taylor said you were walking toward us.”
“Yes,” she said. “You seemed so…relaxed. Happy. I wanted to say hi to you both.” She paused and moved her fingertip over the rim of her cup. “I also wanted to ask if you’d seen the film my friend had shot for the exhibition. I thought you might like it.”
I had forgotten all about it. After walking through the trance of feeling that followed Taylor’s kiss and his request to trust him—trust him? Trust him with what? With the wisdom to perform a kiss for my ex? With my feelings? A likely story—I hadn’t even paid attention to much of the exhibition later. “Yeah, it was good. Good cinematography, great composition.”
“Oh, she’ll be so glad to hear that,” Emma said, giddy.
That was, it seemed, the best I could do for Emma. I could lie to make her happy over something inconsequential.
“And are you? Happy with Taylor, I mean,” she said.
Ask me something easier, I wanted to say, but somehow, those words belonged to Taylor, not anyone else. So I gave a noncommittal nod and smiled. “He makes me laugh a lot.”
Emma’s eyes widened exaggeratedly. “He does? Must be very funny.”
I wasn’t that difficult to make laugh. We had just never struck the core of each other’s sense of humor, Emma and I. Though it was me who’d felt okay with it, while Emma had only gone quieter.
“Michael’s waiting for me,” she said. “We’re having a picnic in the morning, and we need to buy some things before we head out.”
I nodded with more confidence. Therewas no point in wallowing in my grief and self-pity, and definitely no point in trying to get her to stay a while longer. “Yeah, Taylor’s probably wondering already. We have plans later.”
For one moment, I wanted to tell her about the solar eclipse. It would be a rare total eclipse visible from here, and if Michael drove her out of town and to the hiking trails around Alderman’s Ledge, they could look west at twenty minutes past three and witness a once-in-a-lifetime cosmic event. And if they played Pink Floyd, it would be the most romantic moment of their lives.
But I was going to take her there. Had been going.
“Have fun, Harrison,” she said as she stood up. There was no goodbye kiss this time, but I didn’t stand up to offer one either. So, after a minute, I was sitting alone with Lord Tennyson, a cold sandwich, and nobody waiting for me once I stepped out of here.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
taylor
I stoodat the door of the Thinkers’ House for a minute, listening to Jason’s booming voice. “Dud jump with no plan to stop arrow hitting Shiny Knight,” he declared loudly.
