Page 70 of Secrets and Lies

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Pausing the video I was working on, I pull my phone out of my hoodie pocket and check my notifications, and I’m already smiling when I open my text thread with West.

West: bullshit

Anthony: that’s an interesting opening line

Anthony: care to share some context?

West: I’m calling bullshit

Anthony: on what?

West: you

Anthony: me?

West: yeah

Anthony: are you going to expand on that?

West: this thing you’re doing. I’m calling bullshit

Again, it’s impossible to read tone over text, but these messages feel different. They’re erratic, at least that’s how they’re coming across.

One thing I’ve learned about West over my years of casually stalking him is that he texts and talks exactly how he thinks. When he’s calm and in control, he’s concise and eloquent, but he tends to bounce around and be as chaotic as his thoughts are when he’s overwhelmed or emotional.

Something happened in the last hour, and he’s either trapped in a spiral and needs someone to lash out at so he can redirect his emotions away from himself, or he needs someone to break him out of whatever thoughts have a hold on him.

Anthony: what am I doing that’s bullshit?

West: fucking with my head!

Anthony: how am I doing that?

He’s not wrong. I have been fucking with his head, but he was enjoying it up until an hour ago. I want to know what changed.

West: you keep saying you want me and you want to fuck me but I don’t believe you

Anthony: why not?

West: because you haven’t done anything about it

Anthony: I haven’t?

West: no!

West: you’ve said a lot but you haven’t *done* anything except send a few dirty texts and *tell* me how much you want me

Anthony: what else could I have done to prove I mean it?

I know taunting him like this isn’t helping him calm down, but like before, he texted me. He has the option of not answering if he doesn’t like what I’m saying.

West: literally anything

Anthony: so you think everything I’ve said is bullshit because I haven’t acted on my desire for you?

West: yes

West: and I don’t believe you’re a keeper either

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