Page 120 of Secrets and Lies
I shift my thoughts off how warm and strong Anthony feels next to me and try to focus on what he’s saying.
It’s time to buckle down and get some work done, then I can go back to my room and spin in circles for hours while I replay all the embarrassing things I’ve done tonight.
“I think we’ve got it,” Anthony says as he lays his tablet on the coffee table. “How do you feel about stopping here for the night?”
“I feel pretty good about it.” I lean back against the couch and lift my arms over my head in a deep stretch. “How long were we working for?”
He checks his phone. “Almost two hours.”
I huff out a laugh.
“What?” he asks, shooting me an amused look.
“It’s nothing,” I tell him. “It’s just funny because time is weird for me.”
He arches a brow in question.
“I just mean that sometimes my time sense is bang on, and other times, I barely know what year it is.” I shrug, fully aware of how crazy I sound. “It’s like when I’m into something or I’m having fun, hours can pass, and I’ll have no idea until I finally stop. Then other times I’m like a human clock and can keep track of passing time down to the minute without counting or even trying.”
“Do you do that thing where you can’t remember where you put your phone or your earbuds or keys, but you can remember exactly where something random is, like a blue paperclip or a specific receipt from a year ago?”
“Yes!” I nod emphatically. “All the freaking time. Are you like that too?”
“Not me, but the twins are.” He gives me an appraising look.
“What?” I ask. “That’s the face of a man who has a question but isn’t sure if he should ask it.”
“You’re not wrong,” he says. “I have no idea if I should ask what I’m thinking because I don’t want to overstep.”
I laugh. “I think we’re past overstepping considering I’ve almost had multiple nervous breakdowns in front of you in the last few days, and I’ve overshared enough for the both of us. You can ask or say whatever you want.”
Something dark flickers in his expression, but it’s gone a second later.
“Have you ever been tested for ADHD?” His tone isn’t blunt, but it isn’t careful either. “The twins were both diagnosed when they were kids, and it sounds like you struggle with a lot of the same things they do.”
I shake my head and toy with the strings of my hoodie.
“Has anyone ever mentioned it before?”
“A few times.” I pull one of the strings almost all the way through the hood, then do the same with the other one. “I looked into it a few years ago when Damon mentioned that one of his sisters was being assessed, and I fit pretty much all the diagnostic criteria, but…”
“But?” he prompts when I trail off.
“There are certain things that aren’t acceptable in my family,” I say, choosing my words carefully. I might not always agree with my family, and I don’t always like them, but I love them. And I respect my parents, even if they aren’t the greatest parents to me. “One of those is admitting failure, and to them, having any sort of mental health condition or disorder is a failure.”
“You know you can’t control how your brain is wired, right? Neurodivergence isn’t something you catch, it’s how you’re born,” he says in a gentle tone that soothes something deep inside me.
“I know.” I stop yanking on my hoodie strings so I don’t accidentally strangle myself and switch to fiddling with the little hard bits on the ends of them. “But being born a certain way isn’t an excuse for my family,” I say before I can stop myself.
He tilts his head to the side, his question clear.
“Just the whole ‘being born a boy when everyone was expecting a girl’ thing,” I say hastily.
He gives me a long, piercing look, his blue eyes searching mine, and I have to shove my hands under my thighs so I not only stop fidgeting, but so I don’t squirm under his scrutiny.
Anthony doesn’t just have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen on anyone; he also has an incredibly intense stare that feels like he can read your every thought like it’s written on your forehead in Sharpie. And right now, it feels like he’s reading all of my deepest, darkest secrets.
“What else?” he asks.
