Page 98 of Secrets and Lies
Damon: did you eat breakfast or lunch?
West: no
Damon: dinner?
I pause, and for some dumb reason, my neck flushes hot at his question. I ate dinner, but only because Anthony had something sent up to my room for me.
I’m not one of those people who wakes up hungry, so I usually have to force myself to eat breakfast, and I forget to eatwhen I’m distracted or busy because I don’t really feel hunger until I’m almost feral from it.
Not leaving my room all day was easy, and my plan was to raid the stash of snacks I keep in my closet when I got so hungry I couldn’t ignore it anymore, but one of the house stewards brought me a full dinner and one of the packed lunches they keep on hand for when people get snacky outside of dining hall hours. When I asked who ordered it for me, he said it was Anthony.
West: yes
Damon: have you talked to anyone today?
West: I’m talking to you right now
Damon: so what you’re saying is you’re not okay
West: not really
Damon: have you talked to your family at all?
West: I told my brothers to fuck off and told my mom I’ll talk to her tonight. Does that count?
Damon: you haven’t talked to her yet?
West: I’m working up the courage
Damon: are you sure you’ve eaten enough today? You know how you get when you’re stressed
West: yeah, I’m good
I pause. I don’t know why, but for some reason, I don’t want to tell Damon about how Anthony has been making sure I eat. Or about how he let me hang out in his room last night and put up with my insanity while I spiraled and trauma-dumped on him.
I don’t know if it’s because I’m still a bit salty and still feeling rejected now that Damon has a boyfriend and doesn’t have any time for me, or it’s left over from him shutting me out for the past few months while he and Xave got together, but I want to keep this to myself for a while.
And there’s no way I can talk to him about what happened after I texted Mr. X and he snuck into my room because I prettymuch dared him to. Or that I let him fuck me without ever seeing his face.
Damon already thinks I’m a mess because of McKenna. He doesn’t need to know that I’m also insane.
Damon: okay, if you’re sure
West: I’m sure
Damon: I’ll see you later
West: later
I exit out of my texts and toss my phone back on my bed.
The only reason I’m not spinning around in circles and driving myself completely crazy is thanks to whatever Anthony gave me last night. Just like he said would happen, I started feeling sleepy about ten minutes after I took them, and I don’t even remember falling asleep. I just remember feeling really out of it, then nothing until I woke up.
I don’t know if whatever I took had some sort of lingering calming effect, but I’ve been a bit numb since I woke up. Everything feels just a little bit duller, and that’s almost as welcome as getting ten hours of sleep last night.
But that dull feeling is fading, and I’m starting to get restless again.
I move to restart the movie I was watching but pause before I hit the button. I haven’t been paying attention to it, and I just can’t be assed to care about the story, or anything that’s happening to the characters.
