Page 157 of Secrets and Lies
I’ve had a few friends with benefits arrangements over the years, and Damon heard all about how unsatisfying they were. He knows I don’t do casual and can’t separate sex from emotion, but he thankfully doesn’t argue with me.
“When did this start?” he asks.
I laugh before I can stop myself. “Do you want the crazy version, or the overview?”
“You can’t just say there’s a crazy version and not tell me absolutely everything.” He shoots me a flat look. “How crazy are we talking?”
Starting at the beginning, I tell him everything that’s gone down between Anthony and me since the night he sent me that first anonymous text. The only part I leave out is anything to do with what happened at the Hunt. It’s not that I want to hide it from him; I’m just not ready to tell him I’ve been keeping this huge secret from him for all these years.
Damon listens to every detail, his mouth hanging open and his eyes wide as saucers when I finally finish.
“Jesus fucking Christ,” he mutters, still looking shell-shocked.
“Right?”
He shakes his head like he’s trying to clear it. “If I didn’t know you, I’d swear you made all that up just to fuck with me.”
“Like I said, it’s pretty crazy.”
“I knew Anthony was into guys,” he muses. “But I had no idea he was into all that other stuff too.”
“I’m sorry, what?” I ask, my voice going up an octave. “You knew Anthony was into guys?”
“Yeah, or at least I knew he experimented with one,” he says. “I didn’t know if it was a one-off, but it’s pretty obvious it wasn’t if you’re hooking up with him.”
“I’m sorry, but can we circle back to you knowing about him experimenting with a guy?” I ask, not ready to let that go.
He leans forward like he’s about to tell me some state secrets. “Do you remember the Hunt back in your first year?”
A chill races down my spine, but I manage a quick nod.
“Right before the end, I think it was about ten minutes before the clock ran out, I saw Anthony and another guy hooking up.”
“You did?” I croak.
What the actual fuck? Damon saw us? How?
“Yeah. I didn’t see who he was with because of the masks and it being so dark,” he says before I can ask for more details. “But they were both very into it.”
“How do you know it was Anthony?” I ask. “If you didn’t see their faces,” I add in what I hope is a casual tone.
“He took his mask off and I saw his face.” Damon pauses as he studies me, then his eyes go round. “Holy shit. It wasyou.”
“What?” I gape at him.
How the fuck did he figurethatout?
“It was you,” he repeats. “You were the guy in the woods with him.”
“How did you know?” I ask, my head spinning. “You said you didn’t see me?”
“Your reaction.” He points at my face. “You suck at hiding shit from me.” He shakes his head in disbelief. “I’ve spent the past three years wondering who was under him, and it was you this entire time.”
I just gape at him, still trying to process that he saw us.
He flicks his lip ring a few times. “Why didn’t you tell me about that?”
I wince. The fact that we hooked up during the Hunt is the only detail I left out of my retelling, and I’m not even exactly sure why I hid that from him. Maybe it’s because I felt like a moron for not realizing sooner, or it could be my whole willful ignorance thing and not wanting to look like a total moron who chose not to see what was right in front of me.
