Page 129 of Secrets and Lies
“You’re comfortable,” I say stupidly.
He huffs out a soft chuckle and gently runs his hand up and down my arm. “You sound surprised.”
“I’ve just never done this with a guy before,” I say, my brain still scrambled from the mind-melting sex we just had. “And I wasn’t sure I’d like being the little spoon, or the one being cuddled, in this case.”
“Do you like it?” he asks softly.
“Yeah.” I nuzzle my cheek against his firm pec. “I really like it.”
He presses a kiss against my temple and holds me tighter.
We lay in silence for a few minutes, but eventually, the last of the afterglow fades, and the noise in my head gets loud again.
“Are you bi?” I ask, my voice awkward in the quiet room.
“I don’t really consider myself anything,” he says.
His words trigger the memory of reading Mr. X’s text when I asked him the same question, and it’s like it finally really clicks that Anthony and Mr. X are the same person.
“It’s hard to explain,” he continues, stroking his hand over my arm. “But I don’t really feel attraction the same way as other people.”
“What do you mean?”
I’m not as fucked up over the big reveal as I probably should be, and I’m sure the bulk of the shock will hit later when I’m alone with my thoughts again, but for right now, I’m too spent and comfortable to freak out.
And if I think about it, the signs were there. Anthony might not have told me his name when we were texting, and he held back a lot of details that could easily identify him, but he gave me enough hints that I could have figured it out if I tried.
I just didn’t want to see the truth because I was scared that Mr. X wouldn’t want me anymore if the mystery and danger were gone. And I was convinced that there was no way Anthony could ever want me, even if he was into guys.
“The easiest way to explain it is that I need more than just chemistry or attraction to actuallybeattracted to someone,” he continues, still gently running his hand over my arm in lazy circles. “Rath once said that I go off vibes instead of hormones, and that’s the most accurate way I can describe it.”
“Vibes?” I ask hesitantly.
I don’t want to overstep or annoy him by asking too many questions, like I usually do when I’m interested in someone, but I’m ravenously curious about him, and I want to know whatever he’s willing to tell me.
“I don’t trust many people,” he says bluntly. “And I make a policy to never trust anyone until they prove themselves. Casual sex does nothing for me, and I don’t enjoy sex if I don’t feel any sort of real connection with the other person. I’d rather just takecare of things myself over going through the whole song and dance to maybe get my rocks off with someone.”
“But what we did in my room, when I didn’t know who you were,” I say as I look up at him. “That was casual sex. You didn’t enjoy it?”
He huffs out a soft laugh, but the affection shining in his eyes helps calm my defenses before I can freak out. He’s not laughing at me; he’s just laughing because this entire situation has to be hilarious from his point of view.
“I enjoyed it,” he says in his raspy sex voice. “Don’t you worry about that.”
My cheeks flush warm with what is most definitely a blush, and incredibly, my dick actually plumps up a bit as blood rushes south.
I have pretty good stamina, and a decently short refractory period thanks to being a twenty-year-old guy, but there’s no way in hell I’ll be ready to go again for a while afterthatorgasm, but that’s not stopping my dick from trying to come back to life.
“And it wasn’t casual,” he continues, all traces of his earlier laughter gone.
“Huh?” I say, with all the eloquence of a caveman.
“It wasn’t casual,” he repeats. “I showed you more of myself while I was wearing a mask than I’ve ever shown anyone in my entire life. I dropped defenses for you that I’ve never even considered dropping before. It might have been anonymous, and it was definitely kinky, but make no mistake, West. It wasn’t casual. Not for me, and not for you, either.”
His look is intense, but it’s the matter-of-fact way he says it that helps ease some of my lingering fear and doubt.
“No, it wasn’t,” I agree.
He gently brushes his fingertips over my cheek, then leans down. I meet him halfway, and nearly melt when his lips brush mine in a soft kiss.
