Page 67 of Duchess By Condition
“I knew you would do that,” he spat. “I knew you would try to get rid of me as soon as you could. You should have let me go away with Violet. At least she wanted me with her. You made her leave, and now you’re going to make me leave. I hate you.”
This time, when Noah tried to pull away, Jonathan let him go.
The boy ran from the room. Jonathan was alone. He looked around at the mess Noah had left behind. Then, with a sigh, he got to work cleaning it up.
This was awful. I just can’t believe how badly this went.
He didn’t want to send Noah to boarding school. What had possessed him to say such a thing? Now, Noah was going to lose whatever trust in Jonathan the two of them had managed to build. It was the worst thing that could have happened.
He walked over to a chair and collapsed into it with a sigh. He needed to start picking up the books on the floor, but he had no energy for the attempt. All he wanted to do was sit here and brood over everything that had gone wrong, everything that seemed to have slipped out of his control in the blink of an eye. Everything had been fine just a couple of days ago…well, if not fine, then at least on a good track. His relationship with Noah had been good. He had been able to talk to Violet. And more than talk. That kiss…he didn’t know if he would ever forget the way that moment had felt.
But I have to forget it. I’ll lose my mind if I allow myself to keep thinking about that. If I let myself imagine all the possibilities, everything that might have happened if only the two of us had been able to explore that connection more deeply.
It had never been a possibility. Their circumstances would never have allowed it. More than anything, Jonathan did not want to become the kind of man his father had been—seeing people only for what they had to offer him. That made it too impossible for him to ask anyone for anything, lest they feel trapped by him. It was best—safest—to rely only on himself.
And yet, for a few glorious moments, hehadbelieved. He had told himself that if he could only spend enough time with her, the rough edges would smooth over, and they would find a way to build something resembling a life together.
That was all I wanted when I told her she could stay here. I wanted to figure out a way for the two of us to turn this into a life. I wanted us to share our love of Noah, and to both get to live in this house…I wanted to find a way everyone could have what they wanted.
Instead, it seemed, nobody was going to have what they wanted.
There was a knock at the library door, and he went to open it. Williams was standing there, a piece of paper in his hand. “A letter for you, Your Grace,” he said, passing it over.
Jonathan’s spirits lifted. He couldn’t help it. A letter…could it be from Violet? Perhaps she was ready to forgive him.
He knew the moment he saw the handwriting, though, that that had been wrong. He recognized that penmanship as belonging to Gabriel. Even in that moment, though, his thoughts were all for Violet. Perhaps she had gone to Gabriel’s home. That would make sense, since Agnes was one of her closest friends. Maybe Gabriel was writing to let Jonathan know that he could find Violet there. After all, Gabriel understood how much Jonathan cared for Violet—despite himself, he had let that secret out.
But as he skimmed the letter, he began to realize that the letter was not about Violet at all.
The letter was about Noah.
And perhaps he should have expected this, given the last conversation he’d had with Gabriel. But the truth was that in the wake of that conversation, in light of everything that had happened since, Jonathan had simply forgotten about the request he had made to his friends that they try to find out about Noah’s parents.
And then, of course, there was the fact that he had never dreamed they would have an answer for him this soon. He would have said that wasn’t possible. The parents must not have hidden themselves away nearly as well as they’d have liked.
He read the letter a second time, this time focusing on the details. Noah’s parentshadbeen found. Gabriel wasn’t able to provide the full story of what had happened in Noah’s past, but he had come up with several identifying details that would helpin reaching out to them—including their names and what they had been doing since Noah had come to live here.
The father was dead. He had been dead for some time. That was both a sadness and a relief, Jonathan realized. He had never let go of the worry that Noah’s father would be abusive to him. Now they wouldn’t have to worry about that.
The mother…
He found himself reading the same section of the letter over and over, hardly able to credit what he was seeing. Could he really be understanding this correctly?
Because if he was…then he knew exactly who Noah’s mother was. And he knew exactly where to find her.
The only question that remained, he thought to himself as he folded the letter with grim determination and tucked it into the pocket of his shirt, was this: What was he going to say to her?
CHAPTER 35
The atmosphere around the dinner table was frosty.
Violet knew she had a part to play in that. She had never expected to be back here at her father’s table. When she had gone to Aunt Margaret’s home, she’d thought she would be able to stay, and the fact that it had proven to be untrue would have been devastating even if not for everything else she had lost.
Her father hardly looked at her at all. He was reading a letter someone had sent to him—one of his business associates, Violet supposed. She tried to focus on the food on her plate and to ignore what was happening around her.
It wasn’t easy. From across the table, Laura Trevet glared daggers at her. She looked as though she had been asked to sit down and have dinner with a cockroach.
Violet considered saying something to the woman who would become her stepmother. After all, there was no point in having abad relationship with Laura. And as much as Violet wished she could ignore the woman altogether, Laura did make that difficult with her constant glaring.
