Page 59 of Duchess By Condition
How could they? They’ve been without him all these years, and they seem to have been just fine. How could it possibly harm them to know that he’s suffering this way? How could it have the same impact as it’s having on Violet and on me?
He rubbed a hand across his face. Violet looked at him. “You really aren’t worried?” she asked.
So she had believed that, at least to an extent. He pressed his lips together. He didn’t want to lie to her. “I am worried,” he said. “I’m somewhat worried. But I also know that he’s going to be all right.”
“But how can you know?” She searched his face, and he could see that she really wanted an answer she could believe.
“I know because he’s young and healthy,” Jonathan said. “Whatever this is, it’s a deviation from the norm—usually, he’s well. And this just happened overnight. It’s an infection of some sort, an illness…but he’s strong, and he will be able to combat it. I’m sure the physician will tell us the same thing when he arrives. In the meantime, we just have to sit with Noah. We just have to make sure that he isn’t alone, and we have to keep this fever from getting out of control. As long as we do that, I have faith that everything is going to be all right.”
She closed her eyes. “I hope that’s true,” she breathed. “More than I can tell you, Jonathan.”
“I believe it,” he said again. “Let me believe for both of us, if you must, Violet. I can do that.”
She nodded slowly. “I’m so glad you’re here, Jonathan. If you weren’t…if this was just me…well, I don’t think I could manage it without you. I think I would fall apart.”
He gripped her hand more firmly. “You wouldn’t. You’re strong too,” he said. “But for what it's worth, Violet, I wouldn’t want to face this without you either. I’m glad we have each other rightnow. I’m glad neither one of us is in this alone. We’ll get through it. I’m sure we will. I’m surehewill. But in the meantime, we will be together.”
The words came so naturally. He almost couldn’t believe he’d spoken them aloud, for surely it wasn’t right to lean so heavily on one another at a time like this. Surely it was necessary to maintain the boundaries they fought so hard to keep up between them.
But he couldn’t do it.
He needed her. She needed him. And Noah needed them both.
They could go back to the separate lives they were trying to lead later. For now, all Jonathan wanted was to know that someone was grappling with the same fear he was feeling. It felt as if the only way this could be survived was for the two of them to face it together—hand in hand, just as they were right now, with Noah safely ensconced between them.
He’ll be all right,Jonathan told himself firmly.And so will Violet—and so will I.
CHAPTER 31
“He’s going to be all right,” the physician said.
Jonathan and Violet stood side by side in the hallway outside Noah’s room, facing him. Violet had the strange sensation that the two of them were tethered to one another. Intermittently, she was aware that Jonathan’s arm was wrapped around her, his hand resting on her waist. It was something that under different circumstances would have set her heart fluttering, but today she couldn’t keep her attention there. The only thing that mattered right now was Noah.
“Are you sure, Dr. Mercer?” she asked. “That fever was so high.”
“It’s come down a bit with the medicine I gave him,” Dr. Mercer said. He gave her a gentle smile. “Try not to worry, Lady Violet. He’s resting comfortably now, and when he wakes up, he’s going to be much better. This is not a serious condition. I’ve seen several children afflicted with the same thing just this week. Allof them have recovered quickly and well, and I’m confident the same will be true of young Noah.”
“I only worry that he might not have gotten so ill if I had gone looking for him sooner,” she fretted. “I should have been more responsible.”
“No, there wasn’t anything you could have done. This illness burns hot, and it is frightening, but it also fades quickly. He is already on the mend, I guarantee it. You may of course feel free to speak to me if you have any concerns—you may always send someone to my office—but I suspect I won’t be hearing from you again. I think you’ll find him fully recovered within the next few days. Everything is going to be all right.”
“Thank you, Dr. Mercer,” Jonathan said. Violet heard the tension in his voice. It tore her in two—she was heartbroken that he was suffering, but at the same time, she was deeply grateful not to be alone in this. That they were both here together, both concerned for Noah’s well-being…it made things easier. It made it feel more possible to face things.
The physician held out his hand for Jonathan to shake, and Jonathan took it.
Afterward, Violet wasn’t quite clear on what had happened. She felt Jonathan release her. The next thing she knew, she had been swept up in his arms. Her vision was spotty, and she was listening to a conversation that seemed to be coming from very far away. She had the feeling that she was cominginto the middle of what was being said, as though she’d missed something.
“That can happen during times of extreme worry,” Dr. Mercer was saying. “I don’t think anything is seriously the matter. She doesn’t have a fever. I think you should let her rest and make sure she drinks some water. If she isn’t feeling better in a few hours, send for me, but there’s already color back in her face. I’m not worried.”
“Are you sure?” Jonathan’s voice was anxious, and Violet registered how close he was holding her. “I wonder if maybe you should stay for a while. Just until we can be certain…”
“Jonathan,” she murmured. “I’m all right. Put me down.” She struggled a little in his grip, but she couldn’t make it anything more than halfhearted. She didn’t actually want to be put down, she realized. It was good to be held like this.
He carried her away. She kept her eyes closed, enjoying the feeling of being borne along in his arms…and then he was settling her down on something soft and supportive.
She opened her eyes.
She was in the library, on the chaise where she and Noah sat to read books, and Jonathan was sitting at the end by her feet. He was watching her closely, eyebrows furrowed in obvious concern. “Do you remember what happened?” he asked her quietly.
