Page 104 of Knox Academy Omnibus
“Thanks for coming, we like to share the love,” I say. I’m mostly being polite. I couldn’t care less if she was here or not, it wouldn’t change my day.
She smiles nervously at me, setting me on edge.
“I wanted to get to know you better. Your approval of me seems to be important to all of them,” she says, gesturing to all the guys now seated around a cheap plastic table.
“Me? That’s impossible. I’m just the annoying kid sister who always hangs around and pesters them.” I dismiss her words with a wave of my hand.
“They all talk so highly of you, about how smart you are, and how you will be the one to break the cycle and make something of yourself.”
I will myself not to cry.
“And I really like one of them. I want to do everything I can to make that happen.”
“So, you want to use me?” I don’t mean to snap, but this wouldn’t be the first time a girl has tried to be friends with me to get into one of the guys’ pants. And I don’t like her. There’s something off about her. Something that rubs me up the wrong way.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” she says looking down into her lap. Is this girl actually shy? Or is she trying to pull one over? She picks at the label on her beer.
“We’re already seeing each other. I don’t want or need you to like me, it would just be nice if we were friends, because it’s hard trying to live up to the pedestal you’re placed on.”
She may be shy, but she also obviously likes him enough to stand up to me. I’ll give her credit for that. Still hate the bitch though.
“Who?” is all I say.
“Jason.”
It takes me a split second to place the name, but when I do, my eyes snap to hers. Smalls. Why him? I’m devastated. I hope my face hides the fact.
I look towards him and he catches my eye. He knows what is happening here. I can’t believe that he’s letting his girlfriend come over here to try and butter me up, without even telling me.
He didn’t tell me.
He’s dating her and didn’t feel the need to be the one to tell me. My throat feels like it has grown its own heartbeat, and a tear rolls down my cheek.
“Excuse me,” I say to her and race inside. I need a moment. No one else seems to notice, and I’m glad that I can escape inside to compose myself.
“Baby,” Smalls whispers a moment later, making me jump.
“Don’t call me that, you can’t anymore!” I’m angry, confused, upset, when I whirl around to face him.
“I know,” he says, pulling me into his arms. “I’m sorry.”
I think everything has piled up inside of me and it all starts to spill over.
“You’re sorry?!” I whisper-yell, pushing him away. “You have a girlfriend and you didn’t think I would want to hear that from you first?!” I know I’m ranting, and he knows me well enough to wait me out. My arms speak their own language, waving about like a crazy person.
“I’ve loved you most of my life! I always thought that when we grew up and moved out of home, we would be an ‘us’, as crazy as that sounds. Then I go away and fall for a bunch of idiots who used me, and it hurts. It hurts so much more that you didn’t have an opinion on that.”
I’m aware we have drawn a crowd, but since we are arguing behind a sliding glass door, I don’t care.
“You think I don’t have an opinion? I needed time to process it! I have spent years protecting you like you were this fragile little flower and since you’ve been back I can see you don’t need me anymore. That kills me!”
“Then to find out you were hurt by those guys? I want to kill them, Amelie! Do you understand that? If they were here, I wouldn’t hesitate, they would be dead. Do you understand?
“If we lived a different life, there would have been an ‘us’, but we don't. This is our life and we have to make the most of what we’ve got. Webothdeserve to be happy, and she makes me happy.”
“I wanted to make you happy,” I whisper, tears falling freely now. It’s hypocritical of me to be so possessive, so needy, when I messed around with four guys while I was away, but he’s my everything.
He pulls me back into a hug and this time I let him. I briefly wonder if this will be the last time he holds me.
