Page 50 of Diesel's Perseverance
“Freddy said she used to when you guys were young.”
“She did. My old man wasn’t there all the time. He would be on the road or shacking up with some chick was more like it. He was always there for Christmas. My mom was into the holidays. I’ll give her that. I’m just surprised she still did it after we left home.”
“Actually, the worst times for me were the holidays. During my childhood, holidays were spent either eating at one of the shelters in town that opened its doors to the unfortunate or spending the day eating whatever was in the refrigerator. When I got older and lived on my own, Thanksgiving was a day off from whatever job I had at the time. I would spend it alone with theHomicide for the Holidaysseries on the Oxygen Network and a few slices of peppered turkey and instant mashed potatoes from the grocery store while the rest of the world sat around family-packed tables, laughing and gorging on once-a-year side dishes and desserts.” She shrugged. “It was no big deal. I was used to lonely holiday meals. You can imagine what it was like to spend the holidays with your family. I guess that’s why I clung to Freddy when things started to turn sour. I loved being a part of a family, being a couple, and I didn’t want to go back to being lonely and alone. Pretty pathetic, right?”
Diesel leaned over and put his hand on hers, squeezing it gently. “No. Feeling alone can be the fuckin’ worst. You see my parents in a different light than I do, and that’s okay. They were never really there for me. A bit more for Freddy ’cause he followed the rules and was the ‘good boy.’” He chuckled. “I was always the rebel, so I wasn’t easy, and some parents only want to deal with easy.”
“It must’ve been hard,” she whispered.
“I didn’t give a shit. It just made me tougher and more of a rebel. I just stick my middle finger up to the world and don’t give a damn what anyone thinks. My real family is the Insurgents. There’s a closeness between us that citizens can’t understand. The MC isn’t simply a club; it’s a culture and way of life that goes hand-in-hand with the freedom and excitement of living life on our terms and not giving a damn if citizens like it or not. In our world, it’s a challenge to live up to being an outlaw biker. You gotta have the toughness, the moral fortitude to uphold biker values, and the spirit to live life to the fullest no matter what the fuckin’ consequences are. The brotherhood has a bond stronger than that of blood and a dedication to each other’s lives that most citizens would never understand. Citizens easily throw the word ‘brotherhood’ around a lot, but for us, we take it to a life-and-death level. I would step in front of a bullet for any of my brothers, and they’d do the same for me.That’swhat a family is.”
“Sounds like your world isn’t for the cowardly or the weak.”
“Damn straight. That’s why I didn’t want Freddy prospecting for the Insurgents. He wouldn’t have lasted more than one day. He didn’t have the backbone. He didn’t have the strength of mind.”
“I don’t think most people could live in your world. Freddy wanted good things for us. He just took the wrong road in getting them and then got in with the wrong people. I know he wanted the American dream of the big house, the fancy cars, the pretty wife, and the two kids, but he was too impatient to get it. And now, here we are. It’s sad.”
“He knew what he was getting into. His mistake was letting this Cano fucker control the situation. He should have gotten out the minute it got shady. But none of this is an excuse for what he did to you.”
“No, it isn’t,” she whispered. “I made excuses for the other times, but nothing justifies his actions. I had made up my mind to leave him. I planned to clear out the day I came home and saw all the blood. I thought someone had murdered Freddy.”
“And now?”
“I need to see this whole thing through. I want to make sure he’s safe and out of harm’s way, and then I’ll move on to the next chapter in my life.”
“Did you tell Freddy you were gonna leave?”
“No. I was too afraid of what he might do. I thought it was better to leave while he was away. He was so sure I was having an affair with Allan. It was crazy. I’ve been thinking about what you said about Freddy using drugs, and it makes sense now. The paranoia, the extreme jealousy, the lack of reason, and the extreme mood swings. I couldn’t see it when I was in the middle of it, but looking back, it explains a lot of things.”
“Yeah. Just be honest and tell me shit, okay? There’s no judging going on here.”
“Okay, but the same goes for you.”
“If I can tell you, I will. That’s the best I can do. Club business stays—”
“With the club. I know.”
He chuckled. “You’re getting the hang of it. I’m impressed, woman.”
A huge grin spread across Myla’s face, and she knew she looked foolish but didn’t care.
“I’m glad we talked. You always make me feel better when things get tough,” she said.
A comfortable silence fell between them. Faint stars pricked the dark sky, a whippoorwill called plaintively from the thicket, and fireflies flashed through the air.
“You should call your parents and let them know what’s going on with Freddy,” she said, glancing at him sidelong.
“They probably aren’t even concerned about why they haven’t heard from him. It’s like it’s their world, and we just exist. They haven’t called me about Freddy. Have they contacted you?”
“No, but they should still know, just in case this turns out bad. They’ll be shocked and angry they were kept in the dark.”
He didn’t say anything for a long while, then he finally spoke, “I’ll do it for you.”
His words made her heart swell. “Thank you.”
A boyish smile flickered across his face, and it melted her heart.
The back door pushed open, and both she and Diesel looked over.
