Page 67 of Forgiveness
“I know, but it doesn’t mean you aren’t.” Maggie popped a piece of steak in her mouth and chewed.
But something was bothering him. Something that had hit a nerve and he couldn’t iron it out in his head. Now wasn’t the time though, it was too perfect to ruin everything. This was Duchess’s night, and he’d be an asshole for spoiling it. So they got through some chocolate dessert thing he couldn’t pronounce, another bottle of wine, and then they were in a taxi—back to their lavish hotel suite on the Strip.
Flux slid the to-go box into the mini fridge and stood up, looking out at the sight laid out in front of him. Maggie leaned against the balcony railing, and the glaring lights of Vegas backdropped her curves as if she were a forbidden angel hellbent on sin. Without making a sound, he snuck up behind her and fit his front to her luscious ass and wrapped his arms around her waist. She leaned back into him with a contented sigh and a little wiggle that instantly woke up his dick.
“Duchess, I’ve been thinking about things …” Flux had to stop a beat as he cleared his throat, unsure how Maggie would react to what he was going to say. “I need you to know something.”
He could feel her tense against him as she turned in his arms and looked up into his face. Concern whispered across her brow.
“What is it?” she asked in a barely audible voice.
Flux groped with the words and Maggie stayed still in his arms watching him.Fuck it!He quirked his lips and let it fly out.
“I’ve been thinking long and hard since I spent some time with my brothers. I’ve come to the realization that I don’t wanna be a nomad anymore.” Flux scrubbed his fist against his face. “I wanna be back home again in the MC where I belong. For so long I’ve been riding and dodging the fuckin’ memories, but I’m done with the solitary life.” He ran his hands up and down her back. “You made me see that traveling through life alone isn’t the way I wanna go. It’s not like the memories and the guilt won’t be there anymore, because I know they’ll always be a part of me. But … I can deal with them better, now that I have you in my life. Duchess, you bring out parts of me that I thought died a long time ago. I miss the lifestyle I fell in love with a long time ago, and I’m itching to be active again with the Insurgents. And it’s all because I fell in love with a sassy, beautiful, sexy barrel racer. Life is fuckin’ wonderful sometimes.” He dipped his head down and captured her lips.
Maggie looped her arms around his neck and pressed closer to him. After several heartbeats, she pulled away. “And?” Maggie’s voice hitched.
Flux thought his chest would crack in half watching her blink away the tears pooling in her eyes. He shrugged and shook his head.
“And I don’t know where that leaves us, Duchess. I wanna go back to Pinewood Springs and the Insurgents. That means being a full-time patched member again, but you’ve got a whole future staring you in the damn face. What the hell kind of man would I be to ask you to give that up? I wouldn’t … I couldn’t. I’ve got a shitload of flaws, but I’m not that fucking selfish. I was once, with Alicia, but …” Flux’s voice trailed off and the day he got patched in flashed through his mind replete with Alicia’s proud, smiling face. He jerked his head back and the lights of the Strip sparkled in front of him. He stared into Maggie’s blue orbs. “I won’t be that selfish again.” He gipped her shoulders hard.Fuck, I don’t wanna loose her.
Flux tried to pull away but Maggie held on to him something fierce. She blinked a few times and licked her lips.Damn.He couldn’t even look at her as his stomach tightened into knots. He looked out into the distance and watched the procession of headlights on the Strip as tail lights snaked their way down the boulevard—cars bumper to bumper.
“I’m not surprised. You never were a cowboy.” Maggie snorted softly. “Falling in love with you was definitely not in my grand plan … but—”
“But what?” Flux scanned her face. “I’ve been roaming the country ever since I buried Alicia and Emily. Guilt and bitterness and rage were my constant companions along with mind-numbing grief. I wanted to keep the pain alive as a reminder that I fucked up and failed my family.” He put two fingers against Maggie’s lips to silence her. He had to tell her how he felt, howshemade him live again. “I also wanted the pain because I was so fuckin’ scared of forgetting how they sounded, how they looked, how they smelled. I didn’t want to let go. I hated myself for being alive when they were dead.”
Maggie peppered light kisses along his jaw, murmuring, “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be, Duchess, because you made me realize that Alicia would never want me to be the walking dead. I found you in a crummy bar in a desert city in a dusty rodeo. I still can’t believe it, and now I can’t have you. You’ve got to live the life you were meant to. The damn rodeo flows through your veins. I’ve got to let you go, Duchess.”
“Do you want to let me go?” Maggie whispered.
“Fuck no, but …” Flux tried to untangle himself from her grip, but she still wouldn’t let go or back off, holding on even harder while he watched his words process across her face.
“Then don’t,” she said as if it were the easiest thing in the world. “I don’t want to lose you.” She pressed her lips together and shook her head. “Stop making decisions for me. I know what’s good for me and what I want is—you.”
Flux blinked.What the hell’s she talking about?“I’m gonna be straight with you, darlin’. The long-distance thing isn’t on the table. There’s no fuckin’ way we’d ever be satisfied with that FaceTime bullshit, and I can’t ask you to give up the career you’ve worked so hard for. You just nailed it, and there are tons more competitions ahead of you. You deserve the life you always wanted.”
“And who’s to say what’s best for me, Flux? Who gave you that power?”
Her anger flared across her skin as she dropped his remaining arm and turned back toward the Strip, arms around her waist hugging herself. Flux ran his hand through his hair.Fuck, none of this is going right.He should’ve kept his damn mouth shut and they would’ve figured it out later or some shit. Anything but what was going down in front of his face.
Flux groped for something else to say, but Maggie whirled around to face him again.
“Ask me,” she said.
“What?” He swallowed as he took a step backward.
“Ask me to be with you, Flux.”
That was the moment where time stood still for him. His tongue was thick in his mouth as he went hot and cold all at the same time. He stuffed his hands in his pants pockets and started pacing the small concrete balcony.
“You’re fucking nuts, Duchess. I’m not gonna ask you to give up barrel racing for me. You’ll regret it and end up hating me a few years down the road.”
“I won’t regret it, and I could never hate you,” she replied so softly that he almost couldn’t hear her over the pounding of his own footsteps.
“Being in a long-term relationship isn’t all sunshine. You got good and bad times and having a load of regret isn’t gonna get you through the tough times. Being with a biker is a hard as fuck life, and you gotta accept him and his brothers or it’ll never work.” He stopped and stared at her.
