Page 24 of Forgiveness
CHAPTER TWELVE
Flux
Flux woke upto Maggie’s gentle snores, his arms wrapped around her as he cradled her against his chest while he slept on his back. A stab of white-hot terror momentarily stunned him dumb. For something that was supposed to be casual, this was pretty fucking intimate. Warning bells went off in his head, fast and hard, as he surveyed the rest of the room.
He’d made sure Maggie was okay with everything that went down between them. That was more important than anything, especially after what that asshole had made her feel the previous night. But hell, maybe he hadn’t looked at his own feelings before things went down between them. He wiggled a little in discomfort, annoyed by the fact that he even had feelings to examine.
No strings. Casual. One and done.
All of his rules flew through his head, but as Maggie burrowed harder into his chest, he knew with a resounding level of deep-seated fear that there was only one other woman he’d woken up to this way, and he’d married her.Fuck.Any other girl who came in and out of his bed didn’t get this treatment. It was a silent agreement that they would be gone after the deed was done.
He swallowed thickly and forced back the pounding headache that had taken residence in his skull the second he opened his eyes. He had a fucking hangover from not having a hangover.Goddamn it!He scrambled to figure out what to do next considering that the past six years he’d spent his time alone and avoided anything like this in the first place. Maggie muttered in her sleep, her golden blonde hair fanning out over his chest.
“Shit,” he mouthed, clenching his jaw.
She was achingly gorgeous in the morning light, covers half splayed off her naked body so he could trace the lines of her curves and drink her in for as long as he wanted to without getting sick of the sight.Thatwas part of the fucking problem. After the night before, he didn’t know if he could handle a repeat, but that was all his body wanted right now.
While this wonderful woman had given him everything the night before, he was still the fucked up, head case who was dead inside. But as much as he hated to admit it, Maggie had brought him back to life again, even if for a small period of time, and that’s exactly why he couldn’t do it again. No, not when his emotions were too close to the surface with this one.
Maggie threatened to bring him to his knees if he allowed her to get any closer—and no one could take Alicia’s place. He owed his dead wife that much, if not every damn breath in his fucking body. He didn’t deserve happiness or forgiveness, and any part of Maggie that could erase the memory of Alicia needed to stay far away.
Another time, another place—
Flux jerked upward too violently before he caught himself and kissed Maggie’s temple as she murmured something and rolled over, falling back to sleep. Fuck, he hated to be this asshole, but he couldn’t be anything other than what he was at his core. Walking out on her now was what they’d agreed on, and it was a good warning for her not to get near him again. He’d only bring her pain.
With an exaggerated carefulness, Flux eased out of the bed and threw on his clothes as he tried to make as little noise as possible. He never should’ve agreed to fucking her without getting his head on straight first. But she wanted and needed him so much, and Flux craved her with a hunger he hadn’t known for a very long time. He shook his head.It was just one night of mindless fun. There was nothing else to it, and it wasn’t supposed to be anything else. Duchess wanted it that way too.So why did his brain insist on perverting it and making it all emotional and bullshit? He spiked his fingers through his hair, unable to rip his attention away from Maggie’s gently breathing form.
He picked up the keys from the dresser and walked to the door. It was better for both of them. A selfish dick move, but she needed to know what she was dealing with, and he didn’t have any better way to show her than to be exactly who he was. It was better she knew now than have any bullshit expectations.
The thought that he’d abandoned Alicia when she’d needed him most flitted through his mind, but he pushed it back and refused to deal with it. Flux clenched his fist on the doorknob and steeled himself to skulk away back to the fairgrounds. Maggie deserved a man without his kind of baggage: a man who moved from day to day as if nothing mattered and nothing existed. He didn’t have any roots, and he simply went where the road took him.Fuck, she doesn’t even know me that well.
Well, now Maggie never would, and she’d be better off for it. He only had to look at his track record to know that, clear as fucking day. He walked out of the room and into the hot morning air. Squinting against the sunshine, he made his way across the parking lot.
* * *
Maggie kept hereyes screwed shut while she heard the door gently close behind him. When the rumble of his motorcycle dissipated, she sprawled out on the bed and took a deep breath, hating how she loved that his wood and leather scent lingered in the bedding. He was everywhere she looked and tasted and touched as he seeped into her skin.
She had no regrets, even if her heart had pounded watching him go and not being able to say anything to bring him back. Maggie gripped her sides and shivered, closing her eyes. His side of the bed was already cold. Still, the heated montage of everything they did together the night before played in a loop on repeat in the front of her mind, so there was no way she could forget a single second.
But she wasn’t naive or stupid. There was no way she didn’t know what she was taking on with his intimacy issues. He was a rumor unto his own in the rodeo fairgrounds, and he went through women like other men went through chewing tobacco. Fast and hard, his addiction was never sated, yet neither was that haunted look in his eyes.
Maggie wasn’t his savior or therapist.
The night before had been life changing, but when he’d violently jerked this morning and had woken her up, she sensed his heart-rate shift and gallop in his chest and knew waking up to a woman wasn’t an everyday occurrence for him. Flux’s fingers had trembled beneath her as he angled to get away from her and the bed. He’d fumbled to get his clothes on judging by the soft, jerky footfalls, the way his belt buckle had clanged, and how he’d muttered a curse because of it.
Everything about their night together had been so perfect, and in the morning light it had suddenly drawn to a close as she witnessed all of his imperfections on display. The last thing she wanted to do was rip his pride from him when he was at his most vulnerable. No need to rub salt into the wound or start a big, overarching conversation that would lead neither of them anywhere.
So Maggie played it cool, as best as she could, and let him have his moment sneaking out the front door. If she happened to see him later when she hit the fairgrounds, she’d say hi. They’d act like friends, like nothing had happened between them, and things would be normal.
Maggie sighed and curled up tighter in the sheets, squeezing her eyes together.
“It’ll all be fine,” she whispered into the silent darkness of the room as the air conditioner shuddered out a blast of icy air.
After making sure no one was around, Maggie sneaked back to her room for a quick shower and a change of clothes then made her way to the rodeo.
An hour later, Maggie left the stables after taking her horse, Odysseus, for a practice run in the ring before the match, then she stalked by the bull fighter’s area. It didn’t count as bugging Flux if they weren’t dating. And she actually did have to go that way to get some of her cleaning tools to rub her horse down before their barrel run that night.
It was all logical and her reasoning was sound, but explaining it to herself made everything weird. She shouldn’t have to make excuses to see a man, especially one who was a friend—one whom she’d slept with the night before—and whom she worked with to boot. Maggie mentally chided herself for even surpassing her first instincts and sleeping with him when she knew damn good and well at the very beginning that there’d be possible consequences.What the hell is the matter with me? There aren’t any consequences right now except the ones in my head. We had a helluva good time last night. Great. Finished. Done. I need to stop thinking about it.
