Page 59 of Sangre
“Why didn’t you ask him to come over and watch you guys jam?”
“Because Benz was going to be there. The two of them don’t mix.”
“If Sangre’s pissed about Benz, he must have feelings for you that go beyond friendship.”
“I don’t know. It’s complicated. Anyway, just because he may be caveman-like and want to fuck me doesn’t mean he has real feelings for me other than friendship. Haven’t you slept with a guy that you weren’t in love with?”
Nodding, Madison quirked her lips. “More times than I care to remember. I guess you need to figure out who you want in your life—Benz or Sangre. The answer may be neither, and that’s okay too.”
She sipped her macchiato. “I need to break it off for good with Benz. I’ve known that for a long while,” she said in a soft voice.
“How do you feel about doing that?”
“If I were in LA, I wouldn’t want to think about it. Not because I’m madly in love with him. Hell… I’m not even a little in love with him. I like Benz a lot. I admire his genius, his passion for music, his drive to succeed in a career that kicks your ass so much. But I’ve always been afraid of change even though I’ve had a lot of it in my life. Maybe that’s why I cling onto things even when they are decaying or dead.”
“To me, you’re one of the strongest people I know. You left your family, all that was familiar to you when you were just out of high school, and went to LA. That took courage, and to pursue your dream takes guts.”
“The weird thing is that I feel strong in some areas of my life and not so much in others. I guess the problem is that even though I live in a big city, sing in a band, and hang with friends, I feel lonely. It’s weird, but I feel less alone in Alina than I do in LA. The year before I crashed was horrible. I’m not quite sure how to describe it other than to say that time felt thick and viscous, and I felt stuck.” Isla propped her elbows on the table and shook her head. “I don’t know, but I don’t feel like my life in Alina is surreal. I know in my heart I have to break up with Benz. I don’t love him, and it isn’t fair to him. I also am still terribly attracted to Sangre, and even if nothing happens between us, my heart will be with him and not Benz.”
“It sounds like you have the answer.”
She breathed out slowly. “Yeah. The thing I’ve found the most surprising about change is that what was once fine for so long isn’t anymore. It’s amazing how suddenly that shifts.”
Madison put her hand on Isla’s, patting it. “I’m here if you need me. For what it’s worth, you’re doing the right thing. I always thought you shouldn’t have taken Benz back after he cheated on you.”
“And I think he’s doing it again. I guess I can’t blame him this time around. I haven’t wanted to be intimate with him. Last night he was so mad at me when I told him I needed to be alone. Arsen just threw me one of those looks before he pulled Benz out the door. I’ve known Benz for a long time. He helped me through some of the shit I was going through with my fucked up family.”
“Can’t you still be friends with him?”
“I suppose. We’ll just have to see. I’m good with it, but I’m not so sure about him.”
“And Sangre?”
Isla gave a half shrug. “I guess the ball is in his court.”
“It was the last time too, and you spent years trying to forget him. I’d go to his house and talk to him. Don’t make the same mistake twice.”
“He lives at his clubhouse.”
“Then go there. Don’t leave Alina without talking to him.”
Isla glanced at her phone again. Nothing. “I’ll have to think about it, but for now I’ve got to rework a few songs and write down another one that’s in my head.”
“A ballad?” Madison asked.
“Yeah. No surprise. Right?” Isla smiled. “Enough about me. Tell me about the fabulous trip you and Miguel are going on.”
Madison’s eyes sparkled. “We’re going to Martinique. The resort is to die for. Let me pull it up,” she said, taking out her phone.
“I’m so jealous. I want a tropical vacation in the worst way.” While Isla watched Madison search for pictures of the place, warmth spread through her. She was so happy that one of her best friends had found the love of her life. Sitting with Madison and spilling her guts out to her felt right and real. She didn’t have any friendships in LA that could even begin to compare to the one she shared with Madison.I’m going to miss all this when I go back.
“I found it.” Madison passed her phone to Isla. “Isn’t this the most spectacular place you’ve ever seen?”
Isla nodded, a thread of sadness wove through her when she saw the photo of a Mai Tai.Just call me, Sangre.“It looks beyond amazing.”
For the next two hours, the women laughed, talked, and ordered another round of caffeine pumping drinks. By the time Isla arrived at her house, happiness filled her instead of melancholy.
She pulled into the garage then came back down the driveway, waving at Carly and Letty who sat behind the lemonade stand. Two neighbors from across the street were in front of the booth, waiting for their purchases.
