Page 94 of Paco
Chapter Twenty-Nine
When they enteredthe Night Rebels’ clubhouse, Lucy rushed over and gave Paco a big hug. The look in her eyes showed just how glad she was that Chelsea wasn’t among the trio. Paco gently pushed her away, went up to the bar and downed the shot of whiskey Rusty had waiting for him.
Lucy stood next to him, her gaze on his. “Your friend didn’t come back with you?”
Paco motioned for another shot. “No.”
“I guess it makes sense that she’d want to stay in her home town and be with her family.”
“Yeah.” He threw back the second shot then picked up his bag.
“You’re not disappearing so soon, are you? I thought we could talk, or I can give you a nice massage. I bet your shoulders and back are sore from the long drive.”
Smiling weakly, he shook his head. “I’m good. Army’s always in the mood for a massage. I’m beat.” He ignored Lucy’s crestfallen face and trudged up the stairs to his room.
The whole ride back, Chelsea filled his mind, and he kept wrestling with his decision to leave without her. He went over to the window and opened the blinds and stared at the bluish-tinted mountains in the distance. All of a sudden, he was back in the train car with Chelsea, winding through the snowy canyon.That was an awesome day.Then the images of the two of them riding his Harley, dining at Flanigan’s, talking in his room—along with a myriad of other snippets of time they shared together, filled his mind.All the time we spent together was awesome. Fuck, babe. I miss you.
Turning away from the window, he went over to the dresser and opened the bottom drawer. Moving aside some clothing, he pulled out the padded envelope that held past memories. He’d been surprised when Chelsea had told him that she read the letters Cassie had sent him so many years before. He dumped the contents of the envelope on the desk and sifted through them. Photographs of his mother with him and Kendra made his insides tighten; he was transported back in time to when his mother was alive and life had seemed perfect. “You didn’t deserve what the fucker did to you, Mom,” he muttered under his breath. For as long as he lived, he’d never be able to forgive his dad for taking the life of such a beautiful, loving, and vibrant woman. When he really wanted to drive himself crazy, he’d think about how his mother must have felt knowing that the man she loved and promised her future to, was stabbing the life out of her. “The fear must have been incredible, but it was the betrayal that must have hit you the hardest, Mom.”
He sighed as he put the photographs down, and his gaze landed on a pink envelope with blue writing—theDear Johnletter. He took it out and skimmed it, remembering how his insides had turned to ice when he read her letter explaining how she no longer loved him. Her words had been a double whammy: not only had he felt abandoned, but he had also been replaced. Amid the stifling heat, the bombs, the boredom, and the awfulness of war, he’d been stuck with the harrowing and lonely feeling of knowing that the woman he loved was loving another.
Paco leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes, the ghosts of the past flitting through his brain. Since Cassie had smashed his heart, he’d been more than careful to let any feelings of love into his life. Over the years, he’d blamed her for his bitterness, but now he wasn’t so sure it was all her fault. When he’d been in Afghanistan, getting killed was a daily concern, and he didn’t want to bring the war to Cassie, so he’d made the decision not to share his “adventures” with her. She accused him many times of being lousy at communicating. She told him she wanted to hear about everything—the good and the bad, but the time he’d spent writing to her and thinking about her was his refuge amid the loss and destruction all around him. “You never understood that,” he said aloud.How the fuck could I explain to her that I’d just spent the night sitting in a bomb crater, ducking AK rounds, or that I just killed a pack of kids who had bombs strapped to them, courtesy of their fucking mothers?So he’d shut her out. He kept the day-to-day existence at bay, and in doing that, he’d put a distance between them. Because he wanted to spare her from worrying, he ended up losing her.If I’d been more open, maybe she wouldn’t have felt so disconnected. But if we stayed together, I never would’ve met Chelsea.
The love he had for Chelsea was off the fucking charts, and it made him realize that Cassie had never beenthe one. With Cassie, he’d never felt the deep connection he had with Chelsea. She was the person he lost track of time with, the one he confided in, and the one he missed after saying goodbye. She’d slipped into his life quietly on a rainy night, and a series of events kept bringing them together. Each moment he shared with her chipped away at the shield around his heart, letting new light in until he fell completely in love with her.
The tune on his phone rang out, echoing in the quiet room. He glanced at the screen and put his phone to his ear.
“Hey, Kendra. How’s the little man?”
A small giggle. “Tommy’s doing great. Vicky just left, so I’ll be flying solo.”
“I told you to move to Alina, then I could help you out and so could the old ladies. Besides, I know a lot of people with daughters who could also lend you a hand.”
“I’m seriously thinking about it. I spoke to Jesse yesterday by Skype and told him I missed having you around, so he suggested I move there. He also mentioned that once his contract is up in five years, he wasn’t going to reenlist. He wants to start a business in Alina or in one of the neighboring towns.”
Warmth spread through him. “Is this for real, or are you just talking out of your ass?”
“This is for real. I’ve really missed you. We’ve been apart for too long, and the boys adore you. Anyway, I want to meet the woman who’s captured your heart so I can give her a big hug.”
“What’re you talking about?”
“Don’t play dumb with me. The last few times we spoke, I knew something was different with you, but I never imagined it was a woman. When Goldie and Cueball stopped by over the weekend, Goldie let it slip out that you were interested in a woman.”
Paco shook his head.That fucking blabbermouth.“Chelsea’s cool. I met her when her life was in transition.”
“You’re talking like it’s over.”
“She’s back home… in Ohio. She’s got a lot going on. How much did Goldie tell you about her?”
“Nothing about her per se. He just said you had a woman in your life, and he never thought he’d see the day when you’d be hooked on someone. I have to agree with him. Is she coming back to Alina?”
“I don’t know. It’s kinda complicated. That’s great news about you moving here. When you’re ready, I’ll get some brothers to come with me to help you out. How much time do you have left on your lease?”
“You’re changing the subject, and I know whenyoudon’t want to talk about something, it’snotgoing to happen. I just want to say one last thing about Chelsea. Don’t let her get away from you. When you find happiness and true love, you have to go after it at all costs. That’s all I’m going to say about it. I have two months left on the lease, so I was thinking to give notice at the end of the month.”
“That’s fucking awesome. It’ll rock to have you and the kids living here. If you want me to check out any places for you, say the word.”
“I will.”
