Page 41 of Outlaw Xmas
“What do you mean?”
Still staring at the frozen actors on the screen, she said softly, “I’m pregnant.”
Did she saypregnant? What the fuck?He tried to grasp what he thought he’d heard. Silence snapped between them. “What did you say?”
She pulled away from him and tucked her legs underneath her. “I’m pregnant.”
Fuck. That is what she said.“How?” Axe shook his head when she rolled her eyes. “I mean, aren’t you on the pill?”
“Yeah, but I still got pregnant.”
“Did you forget to take it?”
“No. It’s not foolproof, you know. Addie said the same thing happened to her and Chas with Hope.”
“But we talked about kids and decided we didn’t want them. Fuck.”
“I know. I didn’t plan this, Axe. It just happened.”
“How did you let it happen?”
Baylee narrowed her eyes. “Me? You’re responsible for this too. And if you wanted to make extra sure, you should’ve worn a condom.”
“Are you nuts? I’d never wear a rubber with my old lady.”
“Well, there you have it. Don’t you dare blame me for this.”
“It’s just that we didn’t want kids. Fuck. I don’t know what to say.”
Baylee’s chin trembled. “You could say you’re happy and give me a fucking hug.”
Axe knew that’s exactly what he should do, but he wasn’t happy about it. The shock of her pregnancy shook him to his core. Thoughts looped around in his mind until there was no room for anything else. Thoughts of the unknown: how will it be with three instead of two, would he be a good dad, how would it affect their sex life.
Baylee jumped up from the couch. “I didn’t expect this either, but that’s the way life turns out sometimes. I have our baby growing inside me, and when I think of it that way, I’m happy. You’re acting like a first-class asshole!” She rushed down the hall toward their bedroom. The slamming door echoed around him as he sat there unable to move.
I don’t know jack shit about being a dad. I had a shitty one.His dad was never the father he needed him to be. Axe had always known him to be a cold and heartless person. Ever since he could remember, his mother and father communicated through fighting. To him, it seemed like they brought out the very worst in each other, each of them backing up the other’s vices like they were virtues. Boozing, gambling, and cheating consumed the household, and at a young age, he was left to fend for himself emotionally. The only thing he could count on when he was growing up was that neither of his parents would be there for him. They were too busy worrying about themselves. Thinking back on it, the only thing they’d had in common was their selfish streaks.
What if I’m like my parents? My dad split when I was nine, and he never contacted me again. How the fuck does a father do that? What if I do the same shit? How the hell could Baylee be pregnant? Damn! I never thought this would happen.Instead of happiness, anxiety, apprehension, and dread twisted his insides. He knew he should go to Baylee, hold her close, rub his hands down her back, and tell her it would be all right, but he couldn’t. A large part of him wanted the status quo. He didn’t want a baby coming between him and Baylee. They’d fallen into a rhythm and he loved it. With a kid around, they couldn’t be as free to love and fuck whenever and wherever they wanted, and he wasn’t sure he liked changing those dynamics.
All of a sudden the room grew hot and suffocating like the walls were closing in on him and he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t sit there anymore. He had to move around, breathe in some cold air, and get the hell away. Grabbing the car keys, he opened the front door and took the elevator to the parking garage. He backed the car out and headed to the clubhouse. He needed to have some shots, talk shit with the brothers, shoot some pool, and not think about anything. He needed a sliver of his old life back.
When he walked inside, the brothers yelled out his name, surprise registered on many of their faces to see him mid-week at that hour in the club. A few of the club girls waved at him, their faces lit up with huge grins.
“How’s it going?” Cruiser asked as Axe came over to the bar.
“Good. I thought you were working at Dream House during the week.” Axe picked up the shot Skinless placed in front of him.
“I am, but I traded nights with Helm. He’s got some shit going with his girlfriend on Sunday, so I’ll work for him. Is your ol’ lady tied up tonight?”
Axe shook his head. “No. Just needed some fresh air and my brothers. Wanna shoot some pool?”
“You got the money to pay when you lose your ass?” Helm chuckled, picked up his drink, and ambled to the back of the room. “I’ll rack them up. Solid or stripes?”
“Solid.” Axe lit up a joint and inhaled.This is what I fuckin’ need. A joint, a shot, and playing pool with a brother.Diapers, sleepless nights, and an exhausted old lady weren’t on his agenda.We talked about this. We agreed we didn’t want kids.
“You take the first shot, dude.” Helm took the joint Axe offered him.
Axe hit the ball so hard that some of the brothers across the room raised their heads from between the club women’s legs and stared at him. After he hit the first ball, nothing was on his mind but winning the game.
