Page 30 of Resisting the Handsome Doctor
"Extremely. And I plan to stay that way." I pull her against my side, and she fits there like she was made for it. "So, what happens now?"
"I have no idea. I didn't plan this far ahead."
"What does your spreadsheet say?"
"My spreadsheet is officially closed. I'm winging it from here."
"Look at you. Being spontaneous."
"Don't get used to it. This is terrifying."
"Want to be terrified together?"
She tilts her head up to look at me. "Yeah. I really do."
We sit there on her couch, tea forgotten, holding each other like we're afraid to let go. And maybe we are. Maybe we're both scared of what happens next, of all the unknowns and variables.
But for now, in this moment, we're enough.
And that's all that matters.
Chapter 7 - Ivy
Owen Harper is sitting on my couch with his arm around me, and I just had my first kiss at thirty-three years old, and all I can think about is that I want more.
So much more.
I've spent fifteen years imagining this. Imagining him. What it would feel like if he touched me. If his hands explored every inch of my body that I've spent my whole life apologizing for. If he touched me *there*, in places no one else has ever touched. If he was my first.
My only.
And sitting here, tucked against his side, his heart beating steady under my ear, it feels like the perfect moment to find out. I know it's rushed. I know we just confessed our feelings minutes ago. I know the logical, spreadsheet-making part of my brain is screaming that this is too fast, too much, too soon.
But we've also wasted fifteen years. Fifteen years of being too scared, too caught up in our own heads to see what was right in front of us.
I don't want to waste another minute.
The problem is, I have no idea how to ask for this. How do you tell someone you want them to take your virginity? Is there a script? A proper way to bring it up?
*Hey, Owen, great kiss. Want to fuck me?*
God, that's terrible.
"Hey." Owen's voice breaks through my spiral. "You okay? You got really quiet."
I look up at him. At those warm brown eyes behind his glasses, at the concerned crease between his eyebrows. He's so beautiful it hurts.
"I'm just thinking," I say.
"About?"
"About how we could have done this fifteen years ago. How we were both complete idiots."
He laughs, and I feel it rumble through his chest. "Yeah, we really were. Levi's going to be insufferable when he finds out he was right all along."
"We should have paid attention to him."
"We should have paid attention to a lot of things." His hand is tracing lazy circles on my shoulder, and it's distracting in the best way. "But we're here now. That's what matters."
