Page 35 of Carnage
Rue
“Thanks for chatting with me.”
Colson nods, smiling at me as we sit down on a bench in the garden. “Not a problem. What’s going on?”
“Uh, nothing exactly. I just…” I just what? Want to download his brain so I can capture some of his elegance and confidence? Learn how to look so effortlessly gorgeous? Add beauty to every room I enter like he does? “I’m not sure how to word it.”
“You don’t have to be delicate with me. Just say it. I’m married to Specter; I can handle it.”
“You’re married?”
His smile grows. “Yes. Never thought it would happen, but it’s beautiful.”
“How did you meet him? You don’t do the same job, right?”
“Oh no. I’m a dancer. He used to be a customer, and then I got myself a nasty little stalker and I didn’t know where else to run, so I ran to him. Smartest decision I’ve ever made.”
“Did you know what he did for a living?”
“No, but it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out it was probably dangerous. I was desperate though.”
I nod, pressing my lips together. “How…” My words trail off again.
Colson puts his hand over mine where it’s resting on my thigh. “Let it all out. Even if it doesn’t make sense. We’ll get there.”
Exhaling slowly, I nod. “I want to be like you. I want to look nice and feel confident. I want to stop making stupid choices and I want to grow up.”
His expression softens. “Grow up?”
“I grew up very sheltered and repressed. My grandparents were really strict and religious. I couldn’t explore who I am, you know? Then when I was brave enough to tell them I was gay, they kicked me out.”
His brow creases. “I’m sorry that happened. It’s so shitty.”
“It is. My mom died a long time ago, so I didn’t have anywhere else to go. You’d think being thrown to the wolves would have helped me get some street smarts, but I walked straight into a bad situation and now I’m here, relying on a man I don’t even know because he looked safer than my original option.”
“Carnage is safe. For you.”
“He hasn’t told me why he’s called Carnage.”
Colson scrunches his nose. “Probably for the best until you get to know him better. Which isn’t easy, to be honest, but it’s worth it.”
“Tell me about him.”
Colson nods. “He’s intense. He’s loyal—deeply loyal to those he cares about. He’s…” Colson tilts his head back and forth as if searching for words. “Very good at his job, if you know what I mean.”
A shiver moves down my back. “I do. Is he… I don’t know, a good person?”
Colson chuckles softly. “I don’t know what your definition of a good person is, but by mine, all the guys are good at their core, but they didn’t end up as hit men because they’ve had easy lives. Carnage is probably the most…” He pauses again. “Unhinged is the best word I can think of, but he turns it off and on. He’s only that way when he’s working. I don’t know what he’s like romantically. He hasn’t been with anyone since I’ve known him.”
“Oh, we’re not romantic. He’s just helping me out.”
Colson smiles like he knows a secret I don’t. “What I’m hearing is that you’re feeling a little lost, is that right?”
“Lost is a good word. How do I even know where to start creating some kind of life for myself?”
“You already started. You’re here.”
“This is temporary. As soon as Carnage deals with Leon, I’ll be on my own again.”
