Page 30 of Carnage
“Oh, um… are you sure?”
“I’m sure. And you have my word that I won’t touch you.”
“I wasn’t worried about that.”
I pat the mattress. “Come on. It’s late.”
“Actually, it’s early. It’s, like, two in the morning.”
“Then you need to get some sleep.”
Rue climbs into my bed and pulls the blankets up to his neck as he stares up at the ceiling. I join him on the other side, also lying on my back.
“Do you need to talk about anything before we go to sleep?”
“Not really. I mean, maybe. I don’t know.”
I turn on my side, propped up on my elbow. “What’s on your mind?”
“How am I gonna get out of this mess?” He exhales loudly. “You got me away from Leon, but now what? I don’t have anywhere to go, I don’t have money, I don’t even have a place to live probably. What if I get a job and stuff and Leon just finds me again? I guess I could leave town but, how and where to go? I chose Mistone and that was a dumb mistake, but I thought it was better than going to New York or LA. I’m a mess. A terrible mess.”
His voice cracks and I realize he’s crying. Well, shit. I’m not good at comforting people.
“Uh, try taking a few deep breaths.”
Rue covers his face with his hands. As his body shakes with tears, I shift uneasily, then reach out and put my hand flat on his chest. He rolls toward me and presses his forehead to my chest. I don’t know what to do, so I tentatively rub his back as he sobs.
I’ve never seen a man cry. Not once. But instead of feeling uncomfortable, I just want to make him feel better. I want him to feel safe.
“Rue.”
“Sorry,” he mutters, face still pressed against me. “I’m okay.”
After another few moments, I reach under his chin and lift his face. His cheeks are wet, his eyes red and a little swollen, the tip of his nose is pink, and fuck, he’s beautiful.
“I’m sorry,” he says softly. “It’s so pathetic to cry.”
“It’s not.”
“Really?” He raises an eyebrow. “Have you ever cried?”
“I’m emotionally stunted, so maybe not the best example of expressive men.”
He smiles slightly then rolls onto his back again as he wipes his face. “It’s just a mess. I never in a million years thought I’d be in an abusive relationship, if you can even call it that. God, I’m so stupid.”
“Stop saying that. You aren’t stupid.”
“I am. I wanted an experience that was out of character for me, so I picked the scariest man in the club to flirt with. He got me drunk, took me to his place, and the rest is history.”
“Do you think he drugged you?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t remember much about that night, but it might’ve just been alcohol. I drank a lot and I’m a lightweight. At least he didn’t take advantage of me. I guess while I was still conscious I told him I was a virgin. For whatever reason, he liked that about me, but then, you know, he decided he was gonna fuck me on his birthday and let all his friends do the same.”
My jaw drops. “You’re a virgin? Like, completely?”
“Can you be a partial virgin?”
“Um, no, I guess not.”
