Page 35 of So Close to You
“I don’t really feel like drinking tonight,” she replies, looking toward the window.
He nods silently. That cautious silence that hurts even more than an argument.
Seraphina walks over to the window and wraps her arms around herself, watching the raindrops slide down the glass as reality hits her hard. “I don’t want to be here.” And hating herself for it is unbearable.
She hears Elliot’s footsteps approaching from behind, and soon she feels his hands wrap around her waist.
“Leave the rain outside for a while, sweetheart,” he murmurs against her shoulder.
He kisses her neck slowly, tenderly, and carefully.
Seraphina closes her eyes. She tries to concentrate, to feel something. Anything. But all that comes to mind is the memory of other hands on her skin. Nerissa’s breath against her mouth. The weight of her body on top of hers.
The contrast makes her sick.
Elliot turns her toward him and seeks her lips. She lets him kiss her. In fact, she forces herself to. But her body doesn’trespond. She feels nothing. Except guilt. A guilt that numbs her to the bone.
Elliot stops almost immediately and watches her for a few seconds before pulling back.
“It’s like hugging a fucking mannequin,” he says, with a quiet devastation that breaks Seraphina.
“I’m sorry…” she whispers.
“No. You’re not sorry,” Elliot replies, and for the first time there is anger in his voice. “Stop lying to me, Seraphina. I’m not an idiot. I’m your husband. I know when you really want me and when you’re faking it. Has something happened that you’re not telling me?”
Tears threaten to spill from Seraphina’s eyes.
“I’m not faking it,” she replies as best she can.
“Then look me in the eye and tell me what the hell is going on,” he demands, pacing nervously by the fireplace. “Is there someone else? Because you’ve even been acting really weird whenever Adrian’s around. And that’s not like you.”
The name hits her like a whip.
“Why would I be like that?” she asks, too quickly.
Elliot frowns.
“I don’t know. You’re the one who seems terrified of something.”
“It’s nothing, really,” she replies, looking away.
“My God…” Elliot murmurs. “What are you not telling me? Tell me the truth, please. Because I’m starting to go crazy trying to figure out when I lost my wife.”
Elliot moves closer to her, but keeps his distance, as if he no longer knows whether he can touch her. Seraphina hugs herself tighter, trying to stop the trembling.
“There’s no one else, I promise,” she lies.
Elliot stares at her. For a second, Seraphina has the feeling she wasn’t wrong about Adrian and that her husband knows everything.
“Then explain to me why you’re looking at me as if I disgust you,” he says.
“You don’t disgust me,” Seraphina replies, clenching her fingers against her arms. “I love you, Elliot. You’re a wonderful man. You’re the father of my children and…”
“But you don’t love me anymore,” he finishes.
Seraphina can’t give him an answer without destroying him.
“If there’s someone else, I’d rather know than keep driving myself crazy trying to figure out what I did wrong,” Elliot says, running a hand through his hair.
