Page 3 of As Long As You'll Have Me
“Adler, now,” Chief shouts again, cutting me off. When I look back at him, he points at me and then disappears back into his office.
Sighing, I hang up the equipment I’m doing a quality check on and head for the stairs. I’ve worked as a firefighter for the last five years of my life—each of them under Chief—and know that you’re in some deep shit when he calls you by your last name.
“Something wrong, Chief?” I ask, stepping into his office.
Pictures of his family and group photos of past and current company members hang on the walls. Well into his sixties, he’s seen a lot during his time at Firehouse Nine. As acting chief for over twenty years, he’s run this firehouse with precision, care, and most of all pride. He protects the men and women who serve under him like they’re his own children. Maybe that’s why walking into his office now feels like getting a lecture from a father rather than my boss.
“Sit down,” he barks, jutting his chin towards the couch. I’ve found him sleeping on it more times than I have fingers. Whenever we’re called out to a bad fire or accident, he’s here waiting for us to come back no matter how late it is when we return.
I do as I’m told and lower myself down. The pads of my fingers press into the tops of my legs as I wait for him to speak. Chief is a good man, but a traditional one. You don’t speak until spoken to when he calls you into his office.
“How are you?” he asks after an awkward pause. The tone of his voice shifts into something more comforting than aggressive.
My eyes narrow for a millisecond before I catch myself. “I’m fine?” I respond as more of a question than a statement. I feel my heart pick up a few beats as he studies me, the crow’s feet in the corners of his eyes becoming more pronounced as he does.
“Don’t lie to me, son. I know what you went through is hard to recover from?—”
“I’m fine, sir. I was cleared to come back to duty; you signed off on the paperwork yourself.”
“That doesn’t change the fact that you went through something traumatic.”
“With all due respect, sir, I’m fine. I’ve been throughworse in the past and there hasn’t been a gap in my performance since returning.”
“You froze,” he replies firmly, folding his hands on the top of his desk.
This time I can’t stop my face from reflecting my confusion. “I—what?”
“You. Froze.” He says each word as a full sentence. “A few people came to me with concerns about your well-being. Said you hesitated at the apartment fire last weekend.”
I blink hard a few times as my mind tries to figure out who ratted me out. “I was assessing the scene, sir. Trying to figure out how to manage the fire and keep everyone safe.”
“That may be true, but regardless, there’s no space for hesitation in our line of work. A fraction of a second can mean the difference between life and death. I don’t think that fact is lost on either of us.”
The air in the room becomes grim at the mention of death. I bite down on the inside of my cheek so hard that the copper tang of blood trickles down my tongue. Shame and guilt overtake me and I can’t bring myself to look at the man sitting in front of me.
He sighs heavily before speaking again. “I’m requiring you to begin department mandated therapy.”
My eyes shoot up and my jaw hits the floor but he raises a hand before I can object.
“You will attend weekly meetings with the union’s approved therapist and only when they say it’s okay will you stop. You can continue to work while you see them but they will be reporting directly back to me on how things are going.”
“Chief, that’s completely unnecessary. I told you I’m?—”
“You need to work through what happened or it willhaunt you forever. You have people here who count on you, Adler. The men and women in this building look to you for guidance and direction. They can’t do their jobs safely if you aren’t in the right frame of mind.”
“Sir, I am?—”
“Starting next week,” he cuts me off. “Here’s the card for the person you’re going to. Knowing how you would react, I made your first appointment for you. You start on Thursday.”
I stare at him in disbelief for a moment before leaning over and taking the business card he slid across his desk. I scan over it quickly, not fully taking in what it says. He can’t be serious; I don’t need therapy. What Ineedis to deck whoever the hell ratted me out.
“And if I don’t go?” I ask through gritted teeth.
“Then you’ll be station-bound until you get over your ego. Carter will step in and lead until you get your head right.” The finality in his words and the way he leans back in his chair tells me this conversation is over.
Pushing up from the couch, I wave the card at him with my lips pressed into a hard line and head for the door.
“Adler,” he calls out and I turn to look at him. “This isn’t a punishment, son. This will be good for you. We all need a little extra help sometimes.”
