Page 35 of Good at Being Alive
He glances up from the bill and studies me for a moment. “Bex, I didn’t call attention to it because I blame you. I know how hard you try to get this right, and if you’re so tired that you can’t, you need to be in bed.”
Tears spring to my eyes. I stare at the table so he won’t see them. But it’s perhaps the first time in my entire life when someone has looked at me and assumed the best rather than the worst. I’m not sure why it sort of hurts.
We walk back to the hotel, Theo large and warm beside me, his hand near the small of my back anytime someone passes us, as if he’s worried I might get snatched away. It’s wildly unnecessary. I’ve been watching out for myself for a very long time. But it’s also…sweet.
I don’t need him to do it, but it’s refreshing, having someone chooseto.
His room is five doors down from my own. We unlock our doors at the same time. There’s something in his gaze as I say good night. As if he’s considering the possibilities here.
I picture the way his weight would feel above mine. The certainty of his kiss. I must be beyond exhausted to be thinking these things, but if I could manage to stay awake long enough, it would…
“Get some sleep, Bex,” he says.
Alas.
I walk inside, but just as I’ve finished taking off my makeup, there’s a quiet knock.
I picture Theo suggesting a drink. Theo suggesting a lot more than a drink. It’s an incredibly bad idea, but when have I ever let that stopme?
I cross the room and open the door, still not sure what I’ll say, and discover Caden standing there.Ugh.
His gaze sweeps over the room behind me. “Thought you might want some company.”
Are you fucking kiddingme?
“I’ve been awake for over twenty-four hours, dude,” I say, barely civil. “I’m going to bed.”
“Guess I’ll just have to jerk off to those stills we took of you in your bikini,” he says. “Another time.”
I slam the door in his face. It seems insufficient, but while I’d love to be the girl who tells him to go fuck himself, things will just get worse for me if I piss him off. Caden’s got a powerful dad, one who could probably make sure this show never airs.
And I know from experience that no one’s going to take my side.
• • •
In the morning, I don one of the training outfits Mindy sent and head to the lobby, where Theo is impatiently checking his watch. I’m not even late. He’s just the kind of dork who’s eager to run.
A hot dork, however, and wearing the hell out of those running shorts.
While my mic is being placed, Lars is arguing with someone by phone, and Paula, beside him, looks tense. “What’s going on over there?”
Theo frowns. “Bad weather coming in.” He runs a hand through his hair. “And I suppose you haven’t seen the latest Baby Makes Three tirade. Someone is claiming to have seen me out in a pub with a woman in London.”
My stomach knots. “Were you?” I’m not sure why it willbother me if he says yes. I’m fully aware he’s with someone else, in some capacity.
“I was seen out with a group of friends from childhood, which includedmarriedfemales. You’d think I was in a brothel with the way they’re acting.” Maybe it’s the truth, but if so…why can’t he meet my eye?
Lars concludes his call and walks over. His good cheer is more muted than normal. “Okay, guys, just go for a run. We’ll stop you if we hit a snag but otherwise just try to forget we’re here.”
“So how far are we going?” I ask Theo.
He hitches a shoulder. “There’s a place called Vondelpark not too far from here. A bit of a jog and then we loop around the park, seven kilometers total. You’ll be fine.”
“I have no idea why you’d assume that.”
He acts as if I haven’t spoken and turns down the street. It’s annoying that he just assumes I’ll follow.
It’s annoying that I doit.
