Page 113 of Not Looking
“Need more?”
I shook my head as I handed the glass back.
“Ok.” He leaned in and brushed a kiss across my cheek before taking the glass back to the kitchen. Then he returned to the couch and tugged me against his side. “Thank you,” he murmured as he kissed my hair, “for trusting me.”
“Mmm…” I hummed in response.
He held me in silence for a moment, then, “Randy?”
“Hmm?”
“I’m going to say it again… because we need to talk about it. Take a moment, and let me know when you’re prepared to hear it.”
I swallowed and forced down the anxiety that tried to rise. I nodded after several seconds. “Ok.”
He kissed my hair. “Beautiful Randy. I love you—so much that it feels my heart might burst. You mean so much to me, but I never want to hurt you. So if hearing those words causes you pain, then I want us to figure out the best way I can express my feelings towards you. It’s not something I can hold in. Is there something else you want me to say instead? Do you want me to ask before I say it so that you can prepare? I want my words—my actions—to give you that warm feeling in your heart that you deserve, not act like a dagger on old wounds.”
I was silent for a long time. What did I want?
I thought back to a time when I used to dream about lying in bed with my future alpha and hearing those three words. No strings… no expectations… Back before I knew they could be used as a weapon.
Something long buried still wanted that.
“Say it again,” I whispered.
“Are you sure?”
I nodded.
Craig rested his head against mine. “I love you, Randy.”
A deep breath, then another.
He’d been so careful about my pain. Could I really ask him to suppress his feelings for my sake?
Wouldn’t that hurt him?
“Again…” I breathed.
Craig tightened his arms around me. “I love you so much, Beautiful Randy.”
My body shook with conflicting emotions. The part of me that had wanted those words clung to them, while the scared part of me still wanted to run.
I closed my eyes. I was safe. I trusted my alpha.
I wanted him to stay—to keep me in his arms. I recalled the hurt when I thought those words meant I’d lost him, how I’d wanted more time.
“I love you, too,” I whispered.
“Do you mean that?” he murmured. “I don’t want you to feel forced to say it. I’ll wait.”
“When you said it… before…” I started. “I thought it meant that I’d already lost you. The honeymoon period was over… it was time for you to attach the tether until you found a better omega.”
He snorted. “There isn’t a better omega—a better man. Not for me.”
I smiled softly before I spoke again. “I wanted more time. I didn’t want to lose you.” I paused. “When I came downstairs, I’d decided to ask you to leave. It would only hurt to break things off now, but it would shatter me to see another omega on your arm in a few months.”
“Randy…”
