Page 123 of Ruthless Sin

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When Papa was still alive and Mama still smiled and Yelena was there to chase the nightmares away.

I hum it while the water runs over me.

While my skin burns.

While I scrub and scrub and scrub.

And then I break.

My legs give out.

I slide down the shower wall.

The water is still running. Still too hot. Beating down on my head.

The sound that comes out of my throat is the sound I haven’t made in years.

Raw.

Broken.

Animal.

I’m sobbing.

I can’t stop. Can’t breathe.

My whole body is shaking.

I’m sobbing so hard I can’t breathe.

The water is running over me.

My skin doesn’t feel like mine anymore.

Good.

I pull my knees to my chest.

I wrap my arms around them.

And I hum.

Tonkaya Ryabina.

Over and over.

Rocking.

Sobbing.

The water beating down.

My skin on fire.

Alone in a shower in a house that isn’t mine.

Wearing a chain that’s all I have left.

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