Page 141 of Ruthless Sin
I sob. Quiet. Hand over my mouth so he doesn’t hear me. So no one hears me. So I don’t break the rule I’ve been holding since they took me, never let them hear it.
Go to him.
Don’t go to him.
Go.
I want to open the back door and walk across the lawn and put my hand on his back.
I want to slap him.
I want both.
He lied to me and my family is dead and I want him to hold me.
I press my hand harder against my mouth.
I cry into my palm until there’s nothing left.
Then I stand up.
I walk away from the window.
I go upstairs.
My room. Dawn.
I close the door. I lock it for the first time since I came to this house.
I’ve been wearing his shirt too long.
I’m done.
I undo the top button. The next. The next. The shirt opens down the front.
I slide my arms out. Slow. The cotton is warm with my body heat. The fabric goes cold the second it’s off me.
I fold it.
Sleeves in. Collar down. Pressed square and set on the chair by the dresser.
I’m in my slip.
The chain is at my throat.
I’m cold. I’m cold all the way through. I don’t think I’ll ever be warm again.
I walk to the window.
The first light is at the edge of the garden. The bench is empty.
He went back inside.
I’ve done days like this before. Hamburg. Naples. The basement under the Benedetti house.
I’ve never done one knowing they were dead. I prayed for Yelena every night for years. I prayed for my sister who couldn’t hear me.
I lift my hand to the chain. Close my fingers around it. The chain Alexei left me when he took everything else. The chain Yelena ran her finger along once, the morning of the day she stopped coming back from rooms.
