Page 119 of Ruthless Sin
His jaw tightens so hard I can see it. “I couldn’t lose —”
He stops.
Can’t say it. That’s fine. I already know and it makes it worse, not better. He couldn’t lose me. He’d found me —Milochka, alive, breathing, in his bed — and he couldn’t risk losing me, so he said nothing. He said nothing and let Yelena wait.
Nausea rises in my throat.
He knew.
He touched me.
He fucked me.
He marked me last night with his teeth.
He knew.
I’m shaking.
My whole body is shaking.
I can’t stop it.
Yelena tried to save me.
Yelena died trying to save me.
Mama tried to leave and Alexei killed her.
They’re both dead.
She spent her last breath asking him to find me.
And he stopped looking.
He decided I was dead.
He buried me in his head so he wouldn’t have to feel guilty.
He gave up on me.
Then he found me anyway.
And he didn’t tell me.
He put his mouth on me. He put his hands on me. He was inside me.
He left teeth on my throat.
While knowing.
While lying.
I look at him.
He’s waiting for me to speak.
Rage climbs my chest. Not grief — that’s coming, I can feel it at the bottom of everything, I know it’s coming — but not yet. Rage first. Hot. Clean. The first clear thing I’ve felt since he turned his back.
