Page 198 of Forged in the Fire
A giant ‘Kai’ was painted over his changing table and a smaller swirl of ‘You are loved’ was beneath it.
Affection gripped and pulsed, and the emotion welled as I carried him to his changing table.
Realizing what Silas, Elena, and Meems were trying to portray to him. Knowing that they wanted him to feel safe every time he entered this room.
I settled him onto the cushion, and he giggled some more, the terror from last night long gone in the light of the day.
Every cell in my body rose in defense of him. Wanting to show him that.
Love.
My spirit clogged because I was sure I wouldn’t ever want to stop.
I peeled back the tabs of his diaper, and he scratched the nail of his little index finger over the words that had been written for him.
“Wove?” he sang, half melody, half question.
No doubt, he’d been read the statement over and over as the rest of his family had stood in this exact same spot with him.
“That’s right, Kai.” My voice was thready and thin. “You are loved. So much.”
“Kaiwove!” He beamed at me.
My broken heart flailed, and the words wheezed out of me.
“And I love Kai. So much.”
My hands shook as I finished changing him into a fresh diaper.
I pumped sanitizer onto my hands, rubbed them together, then he was back in my arms.
He peered up at me. “Meems got yummy?”
I choked over a laugh. “I bet she does.”
I carried him downstairs. The morning news droned from the television, the volume set nearly to mute.
I assumed it was used as background noise.
Habit, maybe.
They hardly needed it.
Not when Elena’s laughter resonated from the kitchen.
Ricocheting from the tiles and rebounding in the type of joy that I thought would have been crushed by what had happened to her.
But it was real and alive. Filled with hope and belief even when someone had tried to stamp it out.
And maybe it was all because of them that I felt a flicker of that hope bluster up inside me.
Maybe I really would leave this place remembering who I once wanted to be. Maybe they were forcing me to see something so much greater than the demons that fought to keep me chained.
Because as I padded out on bare feet onto the cool floors, I felt freer than I had in a long time.
No doubt set on a collision course that was going to destroy a piece of me, but maybe the pieces I’d reclaim would be worth the pain.
Or maybe I was just really good at telling myself lies.
