Page 178 of Wicked Angel
“True. It’s what he hired me for.” I sniffled. I’d been doing my best to keep business and pleasure—and pain—separate these last three days. I’d rewritten the press release several times, but I didn’t send it to him. I was afraid he’d tell me to go away again. “I’ve been doubling down on it, trying to do my job so well that he’ll love me for it. How sad is that?”
Courteney gazed at me with sympathy. “You want him to love you? Is that it?”
“Yes,” I whispered. I pulled my hat down lower so even she could barely see me. “I’m falling for him,” I confessed. “I fucked up, Court. I fucked him. I fucked him like crazy and I’m totally falling for him.”
I heard her soft gasp. Or maybe it was a sigh.
Maybe she wasn’t shocked at all.
I mean, she knew me. And how head-over-heels I fell for men. I’d fallen for men like Johnny from afar all my life. Was it really any wonder I’d gotten so carried away with him, up close?
“I’m so stupid.” I sniffled. “The moment I actually believed he really liked me… I was all in. It’s so beautiful and sad. I’m lame.”
“You’re not stupid or lame,” she said firmly. “You’re you. And your ability to fall in loveisbeautiful.”
“Yeah. But what if he’s not falling? Am I just in for a lifetime of hurt, with my stupid, squishy heart? Does it always have to hurt so damn much? Why can’t it just be… love?”
“I don’t know, babe,” Courteney said sympathetically. “Sometimes… the love is worth it, though. That’s all I can tell you. You know, after you get through all the other crap.”
I tried to laugh. There was a lot of crap to get through.
I could feel it.
Johnny had a ton of crap going on, and I didn’t even know what it was.
And I couldn’t even ask Shayla if she knew.
It was killing me trying to act normal around the house in front of her so she wouldn’t know anything was up. I had no idea if she knew where her brother was the last three days, or what he was doing, and I couldn’t exactly ask her without tipping her off that there was drama between us. She’d know, if I so much as mentioned his name in a certain tone. I couldn’t hide my feelings from her. So, I’d just been avoiding her as much as I could.
Besides, she’d been shooting the Players video this week, and I didn’t want to distract her from that with all this drama. She had more important things to focus on. And thank God for that.
But I was going to have to tell her, somehow. I just hoped that when I did, I’d have something better to tell her than… this.
“Can you please not say anything to Shayla? This is exactly what she didn’t want to see happen. She’d be so pissed if she knew he’d hurt me, and that’s the last thing he needs right now.”
“You’re protecting him.” Courteney seemed kinda surprised.
“Of course I am.”
“You really care about him,” she concluded.
“I do.” I sighed. “I’m tired of this shit, Court. I’ve cried so many tears over guys who didn’t even know how I felt about them, because I never told them. Am I doing that again?”
“You did that because you put those guys on pedestals and worshipped them,” she said. I knew she understood. She’d done the same thing. With Xander, in the early days. “Take it from me. You’ve got to let this one down off the pedestal if it’s going to work. Even if that means you’ve got to take a step back and let him fall.”
“I know. You’re right.” I still had him on that pedestal, didn’t I? Somewhere deep inside, I still wondered if I was good enough for him—and if he was right to kick me to the curb.
But that was bullshit. I deserved better than that.
“But Angie, after you do that?” Courteney looked me dead in the eyes. “No matter what happens, promise me you’ll burn that fucking pedestal to ashes. I don’t care how hot or talented or special he is. No man should ever be aboveyou.”
* * *
It was Merritt, of all people, who called me—from the bar at Champagne—to tell me where I could find Johnny.
When I arrived at my sister’s nightclub in a cab, I walked in to find the place fairly quiet. It was early, which meant it was closed. The bouncer at the door recognized me and let me in. Music was on and staff were buzzing around, setting up, some having a drink before their shifts started.
There were no customers inside yet. Except for one VIP at the bar with a couple of girls.
