Page 33 of Flames and Flowers
That wasn’t what happened at all.
Actually, after I got to the party and made the rounds—the ballroom was rapidly filling up, and Brody was there along with people from the record company—I made myself hit the men’s room to get my shit together. When I was alone in there, I took a long, hard look at myself, splashed some water on my face, and tried to calm down. My heart was about to carve its way right out of my chest, one beat at a time.
When I imagined all the worst possible outcomes playing out, it was kind of laughable.
Why had I wasted so much time and energy fearing all these things that were probably never gonna happen anyway?
Sadly, it all felt fucking familiar. Like the years I’d wasted fearing telling my parents the truth about me.
The thing was,thatreally was a waste of time, because no matter how long I tortured myself over it or prepared for it, there was no way I could win that situation. Because, another major spoiler alert here: my parents didn’t love me. Maybe they started out loving me, when I was a kid, or at least loving their idea of what they thought I might become. But then I turned out to be something different than what they wanted.
The difference here?
I was pretty fucking sure that Ashley and Danica actually did love me, just like Ash said. And yeah, that made all the fucking difference in the world.
When they arrived at the party, I did see them from across the room. Ash wore a wicked mask, like a horned demon, a fertility god. And no shirt or jacket at all, just a pair of leather pants. I’d know those tattoos and that killer body anywhere. Danica wore a gorgeous, flowing dress with butterfly wings and matching mask, like a wisp of a dream, some otherworldly goddess floating into the room.
Eventually, they did end up in the middle of the dance floor, together, right under one of the giant disco balls, dancing to a slow song.
They looked like everything I’d ever wanted, just like they always did.
I walked over to them and tapped Ash on the shoulder. He had his mask spun around to the back of his head, the demonic face staring me down, black holes for eyes. They stopped dancing and he turned to look at me, a question in his eyes when they locked with mine.
Then he started to let Danica go. He was letting me cut in. Letting me dance with his wife.
And in front of anyone who cared to look, I slipped my hand around the back of his neck and tugged him toward me. I leaned in to kiss him—and he drew back. He put his hand on my chest to stop me, just like he did that night at the castle.
But this time, he did itbeforeI kissed him.
A lump lodged in my throat.
He frowned at me, his black eyebrows furling. “C’mere,” he said, to me. But then he took his wife’s hand and tugged her into the crowd.
She grabbed mine and pulled me along with her.
Ash led us out through one of the open doorways, onto a long balcony overlooking the city. We were alone. He tugged Danica into the corner, out of sight of the people in the ballroom, with me, still attached to her. Then he gave me a gentle shove and I let her go.
“What the hell are you doing?” he said evenly.
“Uh…” My eyes darted from his to Danica’s and back. She was still wearing her mask, so I couldn’t even read her expression. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. “I was trying to kiss you.”
He looked fucking annoyed with me. “In the middle of our album release party?”
Great. I’d pissed him off again.
I stood up a little straighter. “Yeah. In front of everyone. That’s what you wanted, right?”
He scowled at me. “You really think that’s what this is about?” He shook his head, then glanced at Danica, like,Please help me with this idiot.
She slipped her mask up and smiled softly at me. “It’s not about them, Matt.”
“It’s never been about them,” Ash said. “It’s aboutus.”
I absorbed that. “Okay. Yeah. I get that.”
“Do you?”
“You said the album was important,” I reminded him. “You were right. The band is important, too. And so is your marriage. But so are my feelings. And I’m not gonna sit on them anymore.”
