Page 224 of Handsome Devil
“I would try to make up for it now, but I know I’m too late. And the truth is I’ve never known how to be a mother. I’ve never known how to love someone more than I love the name.Davenport.” She smiled wryly. “It used to mean everything. It was supposed to. But the closer you get to the grave, the less it means. And yet it’s pretty much the only thing that’s carved into that stone above your bones. It’s what you leave behind. And… this.” She cupped my face with her gloved hand. “I just hope I get the chance to be a better grandmother than I was a mother.”
My breath lodged in my throat. I felt stiff and strange. My mother never touched me. Her kisses were air kisses. Her hugs were non-existent.
“Don’t be like us, Dane,” she told me. “Be better than us.”
“You always loved me, Mom,” I said, my voice scratchy. “I know that.”
Her hand dropped away. “I disappointed you.”
“I disappointedyou,” I reminded her.
“You’ve made me far more proud than disappointed.”
I swallowed as I followed her out to the front door. I was feeling far more emotional than I was accustomed to feeling, ever, much less right in front of my mother. If my eyes started watering I was gonna have to shove her out the door.
“But,” she warned, pausing at the front door, “I won’t fight for you if you don’t fight for yourself.”
“I know.”
“Maybe your wife won’t, either. If she’s as smart as I take her for.”
I opened the door for her and walked her out toward her car. “If this marriage can be saved,” I told her, “Devi will live up to the Davenport name. I know she will. She’s strong. She’s a lot like you, in some ways.”
She stopped next to her car and smiled at me softly. My mother didn’t smile often, and somehow, I only really realized it now.
Her gloved hand touched my chest, briefly.
“For your sake, Dane, I hope she’s far better than me.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Devi
Iwalked into the penthouse and I immediately knew something was wrong. It wasn’t that Dane was gone. That was strange enough; being here without him.
It was the box sitting on the floor.
I turned on some more lights using the smart screen. After I’d found the note that Dane had left for me here last night, I’d cleared out. Went right back to Katie’s and slept there. Today was Saturday, so I’d hung out there most of the day, too. She’d told me I could stay there as long as I wanted to.
But really, I’d married Dane. No matter what the reason. I’d made a commitment here. This was my home for the next few months; that was the deal. And even if he was running scared, I could be strong. For both of us.
There was still shit for us to talk through.
He chose to go talk to his family. Fine. There was a lot to talk about, if he was really coming clean with them. And I’d be here waiting to talk to him, too, as soon as he was ready. I’d texted him last night to tell him so.
I’m at Katie’s. I’m okay and I hope you are too. I’m not sure where we’re at. I’m not sure about separating. Just let me know when you want to talk.
That was what I told him. Though I wasn’t exactly okay. Maybe… getting by?
I felt it as I came up that car elevator just now, with my bodyguard. Too much had changed in too short a time.
And too much of my heart had gotten on a plane to Toronto and left me.
I hadn’t heard back from Dane yet. And I was deliberating whether or not I should call him. Or give him some time and space. Wait for him to reach out to me.
Did he want me to reach out to him? Apologize for saying we should separate and storming out?
I wasn’t sure.
